(no subject)

I really need to get to bed before 2:30.
I woke up at 7:30, but rolled over til 8:45.
I'm pretty sure it's the fact that I couldn't sleep til 2:30.
My intent tonight is to be in bed at midnight, to watch Witch Hunter Robin. Then hopefully start falling asleep during InuYasha. That way, I'll be asleep at one and ready to go the next day. Of course, I can't go to my client til at least midmorning, IF he's working today. I might go to the CPA's for a couple of hours, then to my client, then back to the CPA's. Obviously, I'm not going to Haven. I think this comes from my feeling about overwork for the past 6 to 8 months. I haven't been tempted to go out out during tax season before.

Gah, I wanted to be at the office now. I this have to finish getting dressed, and get off this thing. Oh and coffee, is a MUST this morning.

I just feel the need to get this SOMEWHERE in public. I'd been a little worried about my relationship with someone. Well, more than I was pretty pissed, and haven't had a chance to talk things out. I specifically wanted to call Saturday, but didn't have the number at work (I actually found it in my cell after I got home and it was too late. I have the contact under two names, and only looked at the one without the right number. *sighs*) Then I was going to yesterday, but they sounded like they were having a good day and I didn't want to potentially spoil it by being bitchy. THEN I went and left my phone at home all day, missing several calls, and again not having the number. So I sent an email last night, asking for a call at their convenience, except for some work hours I know I won't be able to talk. But, this morning I get the feeling, and I COULD be wrong, that I've been dismissed. I'm not assuming I have anything to do with anything going on, in fact I know I can't be involved. But I can't shake the feeling that I have some part of it. I feel like I'm about to be left behind, in a move forward. And you know, I understand that, but fucking TELL ME to my face, instead of letting me feel silly. I wouldn't feel so stupid IF I hadn't sent that email last night.

*shrug* I'll probably get told "You have a great big ego, this has nothing to do with you." and whatever, I know that, but that's how I feel at the moment, and without confirmation/dismissal from the party in question, the feeling won't go away. and you know, I still feel wrong for "bothering" them. How effed up is that? I'm getting tired of being faced with a lack of self worth when it comes to my friends. I don't HAVE to do anything for my friends if I don't want to. NOR are my feelings any less valid because they make someone uncomfortable. I don't have to ever back down just because someone whines that I should, since it would make their lives easier (not in a valid "That's wrong" kind of way.) I'm NOT sure where I got this feeling, but I'm SO going to start correcting that now.

I need to get out of here to work. Via coffee. I think I have the cash for coffee, I don't have a lot on me today, but the boss will probably buy lunch, and I might be having dinner out tonight, depending on when I get home.

Yargh!

I dunno about you, but I can't work in chaos.
Not working on stuff like this.
I've been here since noon, I doub;t I'll be working past 8:30, and I need to eat. I'm ALREADY feeling the effects of eating crap all afternoon. I want a steak.

Anyway, it's just been - nuts. I can't interrupt HER to ask a question, but she can interrupt ME then ask "Why aren't you done yet?" And the bonehead we now share space with - is LOUD - louder then me, and thinks NOTHING of standing over me, getting my attention to say "What're you doing?" Drives Me NUTS!

I mean earlier I'm trying to concentrate, and they're standing over me taling about a client. OK. THEN they call me in to "plug in the laptop" one looking confused, the other saying how much better HIS stuff is. It means plug the network cable into to netowrk card, something I've showed her how to do literally dozens of times. And, I now have proof she ignores me, since she got all huffy about something I KNOW I told her about the program on the laptop.

It just didn't get quiet til now. And every time I got interrupted, it wasjust all the harder to get back to work, and I just stopped in on LJ or email, or both.

THEN, on top of all fo this, I called to cancel dinner with a friend and she was obviously pissy. I'm sorry YOU don't have a life. I swear I'm not making plans with anyone until MAY, I'm just SICK of being treated like I'm doing this on purpose, and I have enough stress at the office without having someone get mad. It's because I'm making an effort to see other people and not them. There's more than one of those. HI THE PHONE WORKS BOTH WAYS. Maybe if you had an IDEA for once, instead of looking ot me for it, then getting mad because my idea either isn't "fun" or what you wanted (?) or I have to cancel. Get A Life! I want to see people who don't stress me out, or look to me for "entertainment."

Now, if only I could SAY this to them. *sighs* I have, too, oddly enough, just obviously not forcefully enough. (I'm not talking about anyone I've seen or emailed recently - I think one can tell if one is on my "to do" list or not *grins*)

I'm TIRED and want to go home. I'm hungry and have two dollars so I can't even eat til later, after I get some money. I've just - had enough for today. I don't think I'm turning the damn computer on at home - I'll be lucky if I don't just crawl into bed and cry. I feel SO overwhelmed.

Oh and my boss thinks it's funny that I feel that way. She can tell my tempers been getting shorter all day. SHE thinks I have nothing to be stressed about! So, it ranges from amusement to anger. _I'M_ the one not getting anything done and causeing her stress, but she doesn't LET me get anything done!

You know, I might just take the hit, get money out via Fleece and get myself a sandwich so I can work late. That sounds like a plan.

Something I never want to hear again

"Tia is a fucking bitch"
Why, you ask?

because when the asshat who shares office space just
1) started whistling
2) interrupted me
2a) until he had my COMPLETE attention
3) to ask me
4) "Do you like music?"
4a) "well?"
4b) "what kind?"
AND THEN
5) "Oh you're stuck on a return?"
5a) "let me see"
5b) "Oh that's stupid" *walks away without helping*

these are the things I did NOT just do;
- burst into tears
- punch his lights out
- kick him SQUARE in the nuts
- start yelling
- start screaming at him incoherently
- call him names (to his face)
- run screaming from the office

no I calmly ignored him until he insisted on not leaving me alone THEN ignored him as he LEANED OVER MY SHOULDER to try and tell me what I was "doing wrong." (For the record, the form is effed up. Seriously. It has me do a calculation then do NOTHING with it.)

So, next time I hear someone saying I'm unreasonable and stupid bitchy, I'm just going to rip you a new one verbally and be FAR LESS understanding that people are stupid.

OK?

Back to work, fed, feeling slightlybetter and now gloriously alone in the silent office.