I think

[tiamatlady]

that there is no relationship on earth that withstands any kind of test.
My friendship with someone I hold near and dear has been destroyed by
1) my own pigheadedness and
2) the incessant spoiled rotten actions of another
and I still can't believe I was actually asked to tolerate the actions that I finally had enough of, and judged lacking when unwilling. Or that I thought I'd be the one that could stand up for her. And got put into the same position that others have been.
I feel dirty. *sigh*
I don't think there's anything I can do, well except grovel. *snerf* Like that's ever happened. And I wouldn't have to grovel to the injured party, but the "other" injured party. I'm not sure how that works. "Apologize to them and I'll be your friend."
*boggle*
So I guess I'll have to let go. I'm NOT happy about it, but I'm in a corner. I'm taking my ball and going home.

Comments

[tiamatlady]

*sigh*
This whole post started when you removed me from your friends list. I figured that was the end.

I went back and reread your email that, to me, began this whole mess. You did ask me to apologize. You told me about a situation that you felt needed telling. You told me about how wrong I was.
Unfortunately, you are defending the wrong point.
I've removed Percy because 1) I feel that I will be turned on if that is in his best interest and 2) I am tired of his opinions on MY friends, and how still caring for them, even though he doesn't like them some sort of failing in me, defined about how it was thrown at me in the "post" you think I should reread.
It has/had nothing to do with anything else that happened. Perhaps at first, but once I settled and thought about it, those two reasons still stand.
Continuing to ask me to apologize for something that was never an issue, is not valid. I will not apologize for having enough. YOU know how I feel.

Now, let's move on to the same email. I believe that you violated my trust, when I told you my opinions. This I choose to make a bit cloudy, as to make some sort attempt at civility. I think you told the parties in question what I said about them, in our discussion, and it's changed things. Considering I was trying to change that opinion, to give the party a chance, against my better judgement, that frank discussion I think you had, has ruined any chance of that.

I would give anything to repair what has happened. But you have to accept that I will not rethink how I feel, I've given it enough thought and I know this is right for me. I already accept that you will continue to maintain the relationship. I would never ask you to give up anyone, and I never have. I think I proved that enough, I've let people make stupid mistakes, because it's not up to me to stop them. I've tried, but I can't defend my friends from their mistakes. It's up to me to be there for them, and back them up as best I can, IF I can.

Please stop accusing me of not being "better than that". Thats a guilt device and I am beyond guilting. I am better than that and if you can't see that, nothing I could ever say or do will convince you.

After reading some of your posts I was planning on calling you and talking this out. But all I really have to do is reread the emails I have, and realize that I can't convince you that what you think is the problem, really isn't. This has nothing to do with anyone else, it has to do with you and I. I'm not sure how we can circumvent that topic of discussion. And I'm not sure how to fight for you when the one I'm fighting IS you. You're personally involved now, and I just don't know how to get you out of it.

No, I'm not apologizing, I've done nothing wrong, except for forgetting you'd be involved. And for THAT I'm sorry. Can you step back? Deal with me, and me alone, and not the other stuff, that honestly isn't netween myself and you? I'm just not sure, and that is the reason for my hesitation. I think I know how this will end, and I didn't want it, but it seems that it's coming.

I'm supposed to let go of the past. I want to put some things behind. i don't want one of those things to be you but, *shakes head* I just don't know.

Re:

[filmstarusa.livejournal.com]

You took me off your friends list first, then you put me back on but I still never heard from you. I'm not the type to sit around and wait for people. Not anymore. Been there, done that. It gets me nowhere. I care about you but I don't have time to play these games. As far as the other person involved, it just seems as though you were waiting for an excuse to end your association with them. He has done nothing wrong to you and I was simply defending a friend. I would defend you the same way if the tables were turned. That is what friends do for each other. I know you would have defended me too and I appreciate that. As for my conversations with others, all I can say is, I expressed my personal concerns with one person, no names mentioned. If that was blown up and ruined your friendships with others, I'm sorry. But should you really be saying things about people you hardly know? Even if there is validity in your judgements, I don't think it is appropriate to be their buddy to their face and then talk about them behind their back when they can't be there to defend themselves. We are all human. We are all guilty of misjudging people occassionally. I just don't understand why you were so willing to stop speaking to me simply because I had an opinion and was willing to stick up for someone that I care about. I don't wish to discuss this on live journal any further.

That's nice

[tiamatlady]

but since this is MY journal, I get to do as I please.
My point is
1) I'm done with Percy. YOU refuse to accept it.
2) I said already that, even given my feelings, I was TRYING to change them, for once keeping my opinion to myself. And when YOU called me upset about said subject, you and I talked about it.
If you would like me to go ahead and tell what YOU had to say, the way you had no problem relating what I had to say, then that seems fair. It seems to me that you changed your mind, and decided to change mine for me, or at least make things difficult.

Thats not very fair, and I see that to make youself look good you betrayed my trust and sold me out. And that hurts, becuase I thought you MIGHT be able to have that discussion with me before feeling you had to have it with another.

I'm sorry but I don't see this the way you do. And you seem to be trying to make me see it that way, hence why I feel in a corner. And I'm lashing out.

I'm sorry things are over, which they SO are now, but I can't fight you, when you're so sure I'm wrong.

Re: That's nice

[filmstarusa.livejournal.com]

I'm not discussing this with you any further. As for Percy, all I said was I think you misread what he said and you should probably re-think it, because it's silly for you to fight over nothing. Now you are fighting with ME over nothing. If that is the way you want to live your life... go for it... I'm done playing these games.