I can't tell you
Jan. 27th, 2002 10:58 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tiamatladyhow PISSED off I am right now.
All this time of biting my tongue has paid off in a pile of SHIT.
I can't STAND how other people's insecurities affect MY life.
Why do I get to pay for every time I'm considerate? Or have my ideas and dreams invalidated because they THREATEN someone else?
*sigh*
This really sucks. I've totally had enough. I refuse to play any more mind games.
I'm a pretty straight forward person, I say what I mean, and what's on my mind. Funny, how the shallow, insignificant people of the world can't deal with that. From stupid goth grrls who think standing in front of me and talking in loud voices about how GREAT their lives are, to insecure selfish people who whine and cry to get their way, at my expense.
I'm tired of all of it. And I need to start living, instead of dealing. Ignoring the grrls has been pretty successful, they really look stupid, and there are lots of people who laugh at them when they walk past. Mission failure. But the whiners of the world need to be taught that if you don't Step Up and DO for yourself, you'll always be someone else's doormat.
Marcus told me I'd been doing too much hand wringing, and that I should have stepped up and taken the proverbial bull by the horns. I should be more demanding, TAKE what I want. Funny, I made an assumption that certain people would act like a grownup, even if everyone around them didn't.
This feeling, I dunno, I think some would call it "wrong", is new to me. I've never been wrong. I'm usually right.
And I get to be the one that loses out. Perhaps it's for the best. It sucks, because part of me is already grieving for what MIGHT have been. And the other part is getting out the five iron to beat some sense into the weak sensitive part.
It's best that work is picking up. I can NOT see people, and it's OK. MAybe by April things will look better.
All this time of biting my tongue has paid off in a pile of SHIT.
I can't STAND how other people's insecurities affect MY life.
Why do I get to pay for every time I'm considerate? Or have my ideas and dreams invalidated because they THREATEN someone else?
*sigh*
This really sucks. I've totally had enough. I refuse to play any more mind games.
I'm a pretty straight forward person, I say what I mean, and what's on my mind. Funny, how the shallow, insignificant people of the world can't deal with that. From stupid goth grrls who think standing in front of me and talking in loud voices about how GREAT their lives are, to insecure selfish people who whine and cry to get their way, at my expense.
I'm tired of all of it. And I need to start living, instead of dealing. Ignoring the grrls has been pretty successful, they really look stupid, and there are lots of people who laugh at them when they walk past. Mission failure. But the whiners of the world need to be taught that if you don't Step Up and DO for yourself, you'll always be someone else's doormat.
Marcus told me I'd been doing too much hand wringing, and that I should have stepped up and taken the proverbial bull by the horns. I should be more demanding, TAKE what I want. Funny, I made an assumption that certain people would act like a grownup, even if everyone around them didn't.
This feeling, I dunno, I think some would call it "wrong", is new to me. I've never been wrong. I'm usually right.
And I get to be the one that loses out. Perhaps it's for the best. It sucks, because part of me is already grieving for what MIGHT have been. And the other part is getting out the five iron to beat some sense into the weak sensitive part.
It's best that work is picking up. I can NOT see people, and it's OK. MAybe by April things will look better.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
I hope my post about Arisia on Sunday didn't contribute to any of this. Whether or not it did, just so you know, there wasn't any frustration / upset / etc. with you for inviting my boi out. He needed to get away, anyway.
gee
Date: 2002-01-27 09:44 pm (UTC)You're pissed at him that night for either
1) going out with me
or
2) Not being around at your beck and call.
either thing sucks.
And I am ROYALLY pissed at BOTH of you.
How dare you be so damn selfish and insecure.
What has he done all week? A hella lot of NOTHING, and WHY? As far as I can see because you're being a whiney little *explative deleted*
When I dropped him off Sunday he was fine. Tired. But fine, certainly not, what was the word? Distraughtness? I wonder where the blame for that one laid, huh?
*deep breath*
I can see several things here.
1) He's playing it safe so as not to hurt you. That's makes him wishy washy and not worth my time.
2) You're being controlling, in which case neither of you is worth my time or
3) He's lying to me, in which case he's not worth my time.
So, MAYBE you can see where my extreme prejudice is coming into play here?
You and I just butted heads. It's not going to be pretty
Re: gee
1) going out with me
or
2) Not being around at your beck and call.
Um . . . sorry, not door number one or two. I'll take what's in the box. Ah, what's in the box is a small strip of paper which says, "Rigel was upset with Crick for making plans without consulting her when she had stuck around to make sure he had a way to get home, especially when she had asked for his aid with some of her things." There was a misunderstanding between us about how we were getting home from the con, and if one of us was waiting for the other, etc. it had nothing to do with him spending time with you. It had nothing to do with him being available to me whenever I felt like it.
either thing sucks.
That's true. If either of those things had been going on, I would have been upset, too. I would have likely checked first, though.
And I am ROYALLY pissed at BOTH of you.
I can see that.
How dare you be so damn selfish and insecure.
To be honest, I don't feel as though what you perceived as having happened occurred. I really wish you wouldn't throw around judgments without sanity checking them first. It speaks poorly of you.
What has he done all week? A hella lot of NOTHING, and WHY? As far as I can see because you're being a whiney little *expletive deleted*
Really? We went to the Sandman LARP. We went shopping. We did a number of other things. And we were and are both pretty darn happy lounging about.
I have not once asked him to stay home. I've asked him if he's wanted to go out, and other than the times we have, he's been perfectly content to spend time at home together.
There are a lot of assumptions flying here. For one, you're assuming that he doesn't want to actually want to spend this much time at home. If you believe that, perhaps you should ask him? I don't know if you'll get an answer, as I'm certainly not his keeper, but at least you'd hear it from "the horse's mouth," so to speak. For another, you're assuming that this propensity for staying in is due to my being whiny and controlling. I find it sad that you trust the both of us so little as to assume that I would do that, and that he would put up with it.
When I dropped him off Sunday he was fine. Tired. But fine, certainly not, what was the word? Distraughtness? I wonder where the blame for that one laid, huh?
*sigh* You've resorted to being snide and snippy. I'm really disappointed.
I can see several things here.
1) He's playing it safe so as not to hurt you. That's makes him wishy washy and not worth my time.
2) You're being controlling, in which case neither of you is worth my time or
3) He's lying to me, in which case he's not worth my time.
If any of these were true, I could understand your displeasure. However, you didn't even take the time to check if any of these were true.
So, MAYBE you can see where my extreme prejudice is coming into play here?
As said before, I can see why you would be upset. If any of this were the case.
I am hurt by what I feel was presumptuous and purposefully cruel behavior on your part. You nigh-upon called me a controlling, whiny [insert your favorite expletive here] who would consider it perfectly fine to manipulate her SO into staying home on her whim, and him either a wishy-washy "yes dear" man intent on pacifying his SO by doing whatever she wished, or a liar.
I cannot say how disappointing this is.
As far as I had known, we are friends. If I thought a friend of mine was being controlling towards her SO, another friend of mine, such that I couldn't see either of them, I would have taken the time to check in and see if that was the case. I would have spoken to them before it got to the boiling point, and suddenly ranting about what I perceived as though it were truth.
Re: gee
Date: 2002-01-28 05:32 am (UTC)By HIS own admission he's not your SO.
Perhaps he's dumb enough to THINK this "secondary" thing is actually valid.
This has BEEN at a boiling point. Except I made an assumption that there would be adult behavior. I was QUITE incorrect.
Screw your disappointment. There's NO talking to you. None, whatsoever. It does noone any good to try you always hear what you want to regardless.
Re: gee
Perhaps he's dumb enough to THINK this "secondary" thing is actually valid.
Do you mean to say that he is not my SO because he is my secondary, or that he at some point said to you that we were no longer involved? I ask because, as far as we both seem to be concerned, we're certainly SOs.
It seems more likely that this is you opinion of poly coming out. "You're secondaries, so you're not actually involved." If that's the case, there's really nothing I can say to you one way or the other to convince you. Nor is it really my job to, or at this point, my desire.
This has BEEN at a boiling point. Except I made an assumption that there would be adult behavior. I was QUITE incorrect.
You keep saying this, but so far, you haven't pointed to any behavior that was actually going on. There was no radio silence, no avoidance. There was no manipulating or coercing
Since it seems that you are set on your opinion that we are no longer friends, I will honor that. I am going to take you off of my friends list. You are welcome to do the same. But I am sorry this has happened, and sorry we could not talk it through.
Re: gee
Date: 2002-01-28 03:00 pm (UTC)Chances are you will be removed.
I never said anything about coercing.
But there isn't much difference between open coercing and whingin unitl you get your way, or talking about it endlessly afterwards, until it's not worth it to do anything.
Isn't that what happens? Isn't that what happened Sunday? It's just as wrong and it's your MO.
He is just as wrong, that's why I'm just as angry at him. The both of you need to grow up.