*contemplative*
Mar. 22nd, 2005 07:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tiamatladySo, I've been having work doubts. (*duh*)
I was saying something about my current situation to the other part timer in CPA #2's office. I was also telling her about my sleeping issues. She reminded me that not everyone is built to work the kind of hours businesses usually demand.
I told her "I hear in my head the voice of a former boss, who told me my performance was great, except for the fact that I came in later than he liked, and it was a detriment to my job, and made me a less than stellar employee." (Said boss also had 100% turnover in staff in the 6 months I worked there, believe me I think he was a hoser.) I also said that THAT voice is just a representative for all the times I've heard it.
She said "Geez. You really are beating yourself up over this. You're angry at yourself."
And she's not wrong.
I'm listening to other people again. When they tell me I suck, or am a poor employee, or whatever I'm being told that's bad. Sometimes it's constructive. Believe me I don't want it sugar coated.
but, what about people who want you to do something their way, or on their timetable, or INSTEAD of them doing it, and they resort to emotional blackmail?
Why am I so prone to believing the bad stuff?
I have enough arrogance for a small third world country. Why on EARTH do I care about some things and not others?
Well this IS giving me food for thought - I seriously doubt i'm going to settle for that corporate job. I want a place where I can be me, and preferably not be the weirdest person there. OR I want to work at home. OR I want to work in a place where I can come and go. I won't mind being paid hourly as long as I can earn time off, and medical bennies. Basically I'm rewarded for good work, and time spent, without being on someone's 9 to 5 good boy/bad boy ruler.
It just doesn't work for me. And I need to stop apologizing for that.
I DO NOT mind long hours, as long as I take the same for myself at some point. I'm continually amazed at people who work long hours, and DON'T take time for themselves.
*shrugs* I'll be processing this one for a while I think.
I was saying something about my current situation to the other part timer in CPA #2's office. I was also telling her about my sleeping issues. She reminded me that not everyone is built to work the kind of hours businesses usually demand.
I told her "I hear in my head the voice of a former boss, who told me my performance was great, except for the fact that I came in later than he liked, and it was a detriment to my job, and made me a less than stellar employee." (Said boss also had 100% turnover in staff in the 6 months I worked there, believe me I think he was a hoser.) I also said that THAT voice is just a representative for all the times I've heard it.
She said "Geez. You really are beating yourself up over this. You're angry at yourself."
And she's not wrong.
I'm listening to other people again. When they tell me I suck, or am a poor employee, or whatever I'm being told that's bad. Sometimes it's constructive. Believe me I don't want it sugar coated.
but, what about people who want you to do something their way, or on their timetable, or INSTEAD of them doing it, and they resort to emotional blackmail?
Why am I so prone to believing the bad stuff?
I have enough arrogance for a small third world country. Why on EARTH do I care about some things and not others?
Well this IS giving me food for thought - I seriously doubt i'm going to settle for that corporate job. I want a place where I can be me, and preferably not be the weirdest person there. OR I want to work at home. OR I want to work in a place where I can come and go. I won't mind being paid hourly as long as I can earn time off, and medical bennies. Basically I'm rewarded for good work, and time spent, without being on someone's 9 to 5 good boy/bad boy ruler.
It just doesn't work for me. And I need to stop apologizing for that.
I DO NOT mind long hours, as long as I take the same for myself at some point. I'm continually amazed at people who work long hours, and DON'T take time for themselves.
*shrugs* I'll be processing this one for a while I think.
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no subject
Date: 2005-03-23 09:32 pm (UTC)Are you going to go out tonight do you think?
I'm asking because if you are, I have to catch a train down. I let Tziz have the car, so it would take a bit of planning on my part.
I may just stay home & sew. I'm enhausted for no good reason.
no subject
Date: 2005-03-23 09:38 pm (UTC)Poke me after 6.