tiamatlady

brought to you by a mental health day, due to oversleeping, and the lack of actual posting content for the past weeks.

*sighs*

- today has become a mental health day by default. I just COULDN'T get up and moving. Not to the client whom I usually have, and NOT to the client that I rearranged my schedule around. I never called him to tell him I was free, and now I know why. I didn't get anything done over the weekend. Teh Unit just cripples me, fearing or knowing she's appearing. She's taken to sucking the life out of a room. *sighs*

- I HATE waiting. Teh Unit is making it very difficult for me to wait. I NEED my own space, I need solitude at the moment, and I usually have Teh Unit and my sister and spawn up my ass. I totally disagree with how my sister deals with the kids, and it starts HUGE fights. Personally, I don't think she needs to SCREAM at them constantly. but hey, that's just me. Again, a valid reason why I don't want kids - I don't want to TREAT a small human like that.

- I don't dare even consider renting until at least February. In reality, after the Season is best. I don't know if I'll make it, given that. Maybe _I_ should ask if I can move into the third floor at her BF's. I don't want to move all my crap up there, just to move back out, because I will be. I just need PEACE and QUIET during the Season, and I'm NOT getting it here.

- The reason I can't move - money. As in I have none. I want to get my bills paid. I owe the oral surgeon (still), several friends for a plethora of reasons (like concert tickets, and trips) and I'd like to pay off my credit cards (which are not big money, I'm deliberately keeping the limits small so I can travel, and pay for hotels, but not get into serious trouble.) I want to do ALL of this before I rent, AND I need that "job" I'd been discussing with myself. It won't be a problem once I get rid of two clients. One of whom KNOWS I want them gone, the other needs to be told. I want them gone prior to February 1. Then tax season will be taxes, and 4 clients I can handle, two of which are after hours. (One of which I need to finish today for the month.)

- I'm hovering on depressed - I know this because I ate a pint of ice cream last night. And it's not sitting well (for those watching my eating habits, it was "allowed" ice cream, and I have had trouble getting in daily requirements. Plus, it's nothing compared to what I did Saturday night. *grins* 5 Hershey Kiss sugar cookies. Nuff Said.)

- Last week was bad, and the weekend stalls. I don't know what's worse - being too busy after sleeping late during the week, or sleeping late on the weekends and getting nothing done. Top this off with the amount of psycho drivers and just plain stupid people ( like the guy last night who practically cut me off in line, and co-oped my soup, to the point that he confused (which wasn't hard anyway) the girl at the counter to think he and I were together. Also, he got offended when she said "You two are together?" after overcharging me for my AND his dinners, and I said "NO!" Apparently I should be GRATEFUL if a loudmouth, smelly, asshole who cuts in front of people in line because he "only wants a soup and a Pepsi" pays attention to me. Fucking asshat.)

- Speaking of asshats - bonus amusement (of which there was little) on Saturday, when teh Unit got the mail, and in it was a giant postcard for me. It had one word on it - Asshat. The picture was of a donkey wearing a bonnet. _I_ figured it out (thanks

kanine!) but SHE was confused for hours. Heh heh heh.

- Sleep has gotten worse. I'm not sleeping til after 4AM, and therefore I'm sleeping until a solid 11 AM. There's no way of waking me. I need that light alarm, I notice that the darkness is an issue. and there's no way to fix that by just opening a window or shade, due to safety issues.

- Did I mention that I can't buy that alarm clock? Last week I was waiting to get paid this week. NOW I have to worry about paying SOMEONE'S rent. Why? Oh there are tons of reasons, but mostly because I don't want SOMEONE living at my house, and further stressing the relationship between myself and Teh Unit. See, I don't exactly blame SOMEONE for the situation zir is in. I blame zir's ex, who, PAR FOR THE COURSE, had the hissie I saw coming and pulled the same thing they'd always done. They were warned, and now I'm disgusted and STUCK with someone's well being AGAIN. That's just nice, yes? Make someone dependent, then get BITCHY about it, cause someone else to be uber depressed, THEN throw them out into the street. but hey, it doesn't matter as long as it's not YOUR problem is it?

So basically I have to play wait and see with MY money so I can potentially pay SOMEONE ELSE'S bills. Or risk their being thrown out again on my conscience. And _I_ can't live with that (I'm also making it NOT about me, but that's taking time.) Plus SOMEONE has been laid off again and I'm just sick and tired of being the energy suck. Seriously, the reason I've pulled away from everyone is that I'm already in a dark place - other people's needs are KILLING ME. I think this is why I hate the holidays. It's just all about everyone else, and since I feel that way all the time anyway, it's just an ADDED guilt. Fuck everyone, I'm hiding under my bed, til it's tax season and I can be alone. I'm looking FORWARD to being alone for a while. And I hate saying that, I want to be social and feel "normal" but it ain't happening right now.

Geez, I wonder when someone is going to look out for MY feelings, and MY well being?

- Speaking of that, still no word from CB. There will be an email tonight. But, to be frank, I don't have it in me to coddle him. I'm an emotional Matterhorn, and if he can't handle this, he's not going to be able to deal with Tax Season. What and Ever.

Gah - I've had enough. I'm going to crawl into bed for a bit, then go food shopping. I should also call some clients, check on things.