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tiamatladyMaybe I should say this - my current issues involve the following:
Being Made To Feel Inferior To Someone I Consider Inferior.
All around the house.
Not just dating wise. THAT One is easy.
But being shut out of things, because I can't POSSIBLY behave myself, even though I've proved time and again that I can, REALLY pisses me off.
Locking me in a room with someone to "work out our problems" Is NOT the way for me to work things out. Honestly, if I'm not dealing with someone it's MY FINAL WORD. I don't give up on people easily. PLEASE believe me when I tell you there IS A REASON. Noone has to like or even understand it. I don't NEED you to tell me how to fix something I DO NOT THINK IS BROKEN!
Maybe I'm done firing warning shots, to try and give out some respect, to tell people WHY I'm not going somewhere or not doing something. Maybe I'll just start saying "No." and let you figure it out. (although having to say no isn't a problem right now.)
Then you might get to understand feeling the way I do Right Now.
It's not something from over the weekend, it's a pattern, and you know, I really thought it was just me. it's not. But it IS NOW, since I'm not fit for interaction now.
it'd like to go back to making my own decisions, instead of having the people who care about me MAKE UP MY MIND FOR ME. If that's OK. About what I can or cannot do. You insult me by thinking I don't know WHEN I won't be able to deal with things.
And I don't feel that I can go certain places, since I MIGHT run into someone whom I'm going to ignore, and YOU are uncomfortable because I'm ignoring someone. THAT'S NOT ON ME. It's not because of the people I'm ignoring I'm staying home, it's because it's being made CLEAR to me that I'm HURTING MY FRIENDS.
But it's not something I'm doing, or something I can change.
So what do I do, then?
I'm going back to work now. Im going to come back and read this again later.
Being Made To Feel Inferior To Someone I Consider Inferior.
All around the house.
Not just dating wise. THAT One is easy.
But being shut out of things, because I can't POSSIBLY behave myself, even though I've proved time and again that I can, REALLY pisses me off.
Locking me in a room with someone to "work out our problems" Is NOT the way for me to work things out. Honestly, if I'm not dealing with someone it's MY FINAL WORD. I don't give up on people easily. PLEASE believe me when I tell you there IS A REASON. Noone has to like or even understand it. I don't NEED you to tell me how to fix something I DO NOT THINK IS BROKEN!
Maybe I'm done firing warning shots, to try and give out some respect, to tell people WHY I'm not going somewhere or not doing something. Maybe I'll just start saying "No." and let you figure it out. (although having to say no isn't a problem right now.)
Then you might get to understand feeling the way I do Right Now.
It's not something from over the weekend, it's a pattern, and you know, I really thought it was just me. it's not. But it IS NOW, since I'm not fit for interaction now.
it'd like to go back to making my own decisions, instead of having the people who care about me MAKE UP MY MIND FOR ME. If that's OK. About what I can or cannot do. You insult me by thinking I don't know WHEN I won't be able to deal with things.
And I don't feel that I can go certain places, since I MIGHT run into someone whom I'm going to ignore, and YOU are uncomfortable because I'm ignoring someone. THAT'S NOT ON ME. It's not because of the people I'm ignoring I'm staying home, it's because it's being made CLEAR to me that I'm HURTING MY FRIENDS.
But it's not something I'm doing, or something I can change.
So what do I do, then?
I'm going back to work now. Im going to come back and read this again later.
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no subject
Date: 2004-09-20 05:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-09-21 07:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-09-22 01:03 am (UTC)*sighs* I'll let you know after work.