Feh

[tiamatlady]

I've been TOO social lately (read: Yesterday)
I don't know what's happened to me. A couple of years ago I was busy and content.
A couple of years before that I had great credit and great stuff.
When did I get afraid to live, anyway?
I'm STILL not good enough for the "proper adults" I know, I'm not saving money, I have clutter, I have issues. They still look down on me.
When did I start caring what THEY think anyway?

I saw Constantine last night and he said something I can't shake. He said he was working today, and even tho, he was out at parties and drinking, because he needed SOME kind of release. I asked him Why he was working, why didn't he take that day off. He said "Abject poverty has it's way of putting fear into you." I realize I have NOTHING on the line. My biggest problem is owing money to D.

It's so easy to make excuses. I need to be done with that. I feel so sorry for myself today. I've spent the day in bed, pretty much, just exhausted. If I had ANY food in the house, I'd be in bed still, but I need dinner now.

Even I get tired of this.

Otherwise yesterday was OK. Bret and El were great, El met a guy. I'm going to start charging to take people out and find them a boyfriend. Except D. She is a lost cause. I didn't like having M tell me he expects me to be a bitch. Yes I am, but he acts like that's all there is to me. And he wonders why I don't want to hang out. *shrugs*

I want to see the movie again. Maybe I'll take my nephew next weekend.

Comments

[tk7602.livejournal.com]

i think you actually hit on something big there. my old coworker and i have talked a lot about motivation, money and such. his theory is that large debt is important to act as a motivator.

for example, when i lost my job, i was DETERMINED to have a new job ASAP, since i had a couple thousand a month that i didn't really have the option of not paying.

if i didn't have the debt of a house, i wouldn't have been nearly as worried.