*sighs*

[tiamatlady]

I feel like a big fat failure.
I know it hasn't even been a week since the end of the Season, but there's a part of me that thinks I should be shirking all responsibility and throwing myself back into my social life as a way to unwind. I should be out there, raising havok, going out every night of the week, going to every social thing I'm invited to, and some I'm not.

And when I think about doing it, I'm just - tired. I have no desire to do anything, but move slowly. To set slow goals for myself. CDs yesterday, DVDs todays, vanity tomorrow. Maybe sometime next year everything will be moved around. Then there's my own work, and I'm wondering just how long I'm going to go without phone calls from clients about "Now the season is over, when are you coming in?" I don't mind what I've planned for, I don't mind my weekly clients, who are accommodating me about the wedding. And then there's the wedding itself.

*shrug* I feel still off balance and out of sorts. And not ready to deal with people, en masse. But what I do need to do is pick a couple of days to see some people. I'm not staying in next weekend. Definitely not Saturday day - not after today.

OK tomorrow won't be like this. I have my self assigned projects, and I think I'm going to add one - to go to Microcenter and pick up a new CD burner. they have one that's also a DVD drive, but I'm not sure if I want to bother with that. I mean, I want a DVD Burner, not just a drive. *shrugs* I'm unwilling to spend the money on a combo drive. There was another one that had the same burn time, but ripped even faster. Plus, I refound my Simpon's game, and remember I need a new sound and/or video card (I can't remember which, I'll have to pop the thing in and check) And I'm going to look on their "slightly used" table for better deals. I'm hoping to get a bigger HD, a sound/video card, and the burner for a decent price. I don't want to spend TONS of money, but I do want to improve some things, before I have to spend al my money on the car and other things.

bedtime. I refuse to feel this way tomorrow. First step - getting back out. Second - finding a new person to appreciate me for me, so I don't have to rely on the stupid boys I've been relying on. I need a distraction. (This is no way means my pet - I already told him any ranting didn't mean him. If he were here or I there, things would be VERY different.)

Comments

[aiwendel.livejournal.com]

sleep n take time off? and do NOTHING for a while, then think about doing other stuff....
:)

[tiamatlady]

I know.
I just feel like I should have been able to flip a switch, and go from "tax season evil" to "after season happy" and emotionally, I'm not ready, althought metally I'm dying for company and entertainment.

It's not helping that I Do have some work to do, clients to see, and I'm feeling resentful that I have to at all. It's not even all of them either, just one or two that I DON'T want to go to. too much chaos, too much for me to do. But it's not a matter of fired, they won't fire me (unfortunately, I've been TRYING to get one to fire me for months, he's a royal pain) it's the BADGERING, and I can't say "You know what, I quit." because they WON'T take that for an answer! Have you ever heard of such a thing?

Eh. I'm going to do what I want today and let tomorrow take care of itself.
*HUGS*
go to the pub tonight, BTW. J's Sandra is in town. (Yours not mine. *grins*)

[aiwendel.livejournal.com]

re sandra - oh shit you're right! and i completely forgot!! :-( oops. Far too late now.

still think you should quit on them! :-P
:)
xxxxxxxxxxxx

[emarkienna.livejournal.com]

It sounds like you just need some time to yourself before throwing yourself into social things, maybe..

*hugs*

[tiamatlady]

Yeah, I think that's probably right. I've just turned down a lot of invites in the past two days alone, and not really gotten anything done.

I should just take it easy and ignore what anyone else thinks.
*big hugs*