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tiamatladySometimes I wonder WHY I drift around the Intornyet.
I swear, nightly, I read something that disgusts me.
And I'm not talking about going on in the world, I'm just talking some detail, however silly, about someone, usually I don't even know, that just makes me sick to my stomach.
Tonight I discovered how HAPPY I am that an old friend is out of my life. It may not have gone down right, it might not have been how it should have happened, I might regret the loss of something sincere. But, yet again, the person they've become - at best, isn't someone I want in my life.
I don't think anyone understands what a big thing this is for me. I'm so set in my way. I've become so harsh in the recent past, maybe longer, but that's how long I'm realizing it. I'm just not having time for the nonsense I used to put up with. And, at the same time, putting up with things I never thought I SHOULD, in order to make a friend happy. Or keep peace. I'm confused at the difference. But sometimes, friendship should overcome distaste. IF they've earned it.
I'm very grateful for the people in my life who love me for me, and they deserve all the love and respect I can muster for them. I'm getting luckier maybe, that not matter WHAT is going on, I don't get abandoned, because nothing is so large as the hole I'd make in their life if I wasn't in it. And from me, the need to not be the one that creates the holes. It's OK to drift apart, friendships have to grow and change. But I'm done with the severing, with the anger. I don't want to be without some just because of something stupid.
Don't fuck with my friends. They're very dear to me and I have a VERY short temper.
*hugs* all around.
(This turned out way schmoopier than I felt when I started it but who am I to complain where it went?)
(PS - I know I'm being a beyatch right now and will be til April - and I truly thank everyone for putting up with my crap.)
I swear, nightly, I read something that disgusts me.
And I'm not talking about going on in the world, I'm just talking some detail, however silly, about someone, usually I don't even know, that just makes me sick to my stomach.
Tonight I discovered how HAPPY I am that an old friend is out of my life. It may not have gone down right, it might not have been how it should have happened, I might regret the loss of something sincere. But, yet again, the person they've become - at best, isn't someone I want in my life.
I don't think anyone understands what a big thing this is for me. I'm so set in my way. I've become so harsh in the recent past, maybe longer, but that's how long I'm realizing it. I'm just not having time for the nonsense I used to put up with. And, at the same time, putting up with things I never thought I SHOULD, in order to make a friend happy. Or keep peace. I'm confused at the difference. But sometimes, friendship should overcome distaste. IF they've earned it.
I'm very grateful for the people in my life who love me for me, and they deserve all the love and respect I can muster for them. I'm getting luckier maybe, that not matter WHAT is going on, I don't get abandoned, because nothing is so large as the hole I'd make in their life if I wasn't in it. And from me, the need to not be the one that creates the holes. It's OK to drift apart, friendships have to grow and change. But I'm done with the severing, with the anger. I don't want to be without some just because of something stupid.
Don't fuck with my friends. They're very dear to me and I have a VERY short temper.
*hugs* all around.
(This turned out way schmoopier than I felt when I started it but who am I to complain where it went?)
(PS - I know I'm being a beyatch right now and will be til April - and I truly thank everyone for putting up with my crap.)
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no subject
Date: 2004-02-24 11:27 pm (UTC)i just wanted to let you know i appreciate you!
no subject
Date: 2004-02-25 02:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-25 05:50 pm (UTC)yeah it can be sad when someone leaves one's life, but it can be a good thing if it's someone you don't want in your life, and it's good to recognise such things.
and thank you for being there for me!
no subject
Date: 2004-02-25 11:03 pm (UTC)*grins*
You notice who replied to this? I'm beginning to think I need to pack my self, and a Punt Captain up, git on a plane to Britannia and open a whorehouse in the front room of J's flat!
More later, I'm sure - I should get to bed after a long night of gothing. *hugs*