*sigh* This whole post started when you removed me from your friends list. I figured that was the end.
I went back and reread your email that, to me, began this whole mess. You did ask me to apologize. You told me about a situation that you felt needed telling. You told me about how wrong I was. Unfortunately, you are defending the wrong point. I've removed Percy because 1) I feel that I will be turned on if that is in his best interest and 2) I am tired of his opinions on MY friends, and how still caring for them, even though he doesn't like them some sort of failing in me, defined about how it was thrown at me in the "post" you think I should reread. It has/had nothing to do with anything else that happened. Perhaps at first, but once I settled and thought about it, those two reasons still stand. Continuing to ask me to apologize for something that was never an issue, is not valid. I will not apologize for having enough. YOU know how I feel.
Now, let's move on to the same email. I believe that you violated my trust, when I told you my opinions. This I choose to make a bit cloudy, as to make some sort attempt at civility. I think you told the parties in question what I said about them, in our discussion, and it's changed things. Considering I was trying to change that opinion, to give the party a chance, against my better judgement, that frank discussion I think you had, has ruined any chance of that.
I would give anything to repair what has happened. But you have to accept that I will not rethink how I feel, I've given it enough thought and I know this is right for me. I already accept that you will continue to maintain the relationship. I would never ask you to give up anyone, and I never have. I think I proved that enough, I've let people make stupid mistakes, because it's not up to me to stop them. I've tried, but I can't defend my friends from their mistakes. It's up to me to be there for them, and back them up as best I can, IF I can.
Please stop accusing me of not being "better than that". Thats a guilt device and I am beyond guilting. I am better than that and if you can't see that, nothing I could ever say or do will convince you.
After reading some of your posts I was planning on calling you and talking this out. But all I really have to do is reread the emails I have, and realize that I can't convince you that what you think is the problem, really isn't. This has nothing to do with anyone else, it has to do with you and I. I'm not sure how we can circumvent that topic of discussion. And I'm not sure how to fight for you when the one I'm fighting IS you. You're personally involved now, and I just don't know how to get you out of it.
No, I'm not apologizing, I've done nothing wrong, except for forgetting you'd be involved. And for THAT I'm sorry. Can you step back? Deal with me, and me alone, and not the other stuff, that honestly isn't netween myself and you? I'm just not sure, and that is the reason for my hesitation. I think I know how this will end, and I didn't want it, but it seems that it's coming.
I'm supposed to let go of the past. I want to put some things behind. i don't want one of those things to be you but, *shakes head* I just don't know.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2001-08-02 10:34 pm (UTC)This whole post started when you removed me from your friends list. I figured that was the end.
I went back and reread your email that, to me, began this whole mess. You did ask me to apologize. You told me about a situation that you felt needed telling. You told me about how wrong I was.
Unfortunately, you are defending the wrong point.
I've removed Percy because 1) I feel that I will be turned on if that is in his best interest and 2) I am tired of his opinions on MY friends, and how still caring for them, even though he doesn't like them some sort of failing in me, defined about how it was thrown at me in the "post" you think I should reread.
It has/had nothing to do with anything else that happened. Perhaps at first, but once I settled and thought about it, those two reasons still stand.
Continuing to ask me to apologize for something that was never an issue, is not valid. I will not apologize for having enough. YOU know how I feel.
Now, let's move on to the same email. I believe that you violated my trust, when I told you my opinions. This I choose to make a bit cloudy, as to make some sort attempt at civility. I think you told the parties in question what I said about them, in our discussion, and it's changed things. Considering I was trying to change that opinion, to give the party a chance, against my better judgement, that frank discussion I think you had, has ruined any chance of that.
I would give anything to repair what has happened. But you have to accept that I will not rethink how I feel, I've given it enough thought and I know this is right for me. I already accept that you will continue to maintain the relationship. I would never ask you to give up anyone, and I never have. I think I proved that enough, I've let people make stupid mistakes, because it's not up to me to stop them. I've tried, but I can't defend my friends from their mistakes. It's up to me to be there for them, and back them up as best I can, IF I can.
Please stop accusing me of not being "better than that". Thats a guilt device and I am beyond guilting. I am better than that and if you can't see that, nothing I could ever say or do will convince you.
After reading some of your posts I was planning on calling you and talking this out. But all I really have to do is reread the emails I have, and realize that I can't convince you that what you think is the problem, really isn't. This has nothing to do with anyone else, it has to do with you and I. I'm not sure how we can circumvent that topic of discussion. And I'm not sure how to fight for you when the one I'm fighting IS you. You're personally involved now, and I just don't know how to get you out of it.
No, I'm not apologizing, I've done nothing wrong, except for forgetting you'd be involved. And for THAT I'm sorry. Can you step back? Deal with me, and me alone, and not the other stuff, that honestly isn't netween myself and you? I'm just not sure, and that is the reason for my hesitation. I think I know how this will end, and I didn't want it, but it seems that it's coming.
I'm supposed to let go of the past. I want to put some things behind. i don't want one of those things to be you but, *shakes head* I just don't know.