Ok I've been thinking
May. 15th, 2001 02:13 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tiamatladyI'm not sure how things went all wonky.
I thought I was just being overdramatic, with my "He's not talking to me fuck him." attitude.
But I do know one thing, that I'm not SO bad that there's a lot of bad feelings and stuff all around that might be my fault, I'm not that good/bad.
perhaps I've just opened my eyes, dragging myself out of my self pity, to see that there are other things going on, things I can't even see clearly.
But BOY do I see the repercussions.
I feel bad that some people feel bad.
But I am not, for one, going to pretend something that isn't.
Yes I can be civil.
More than likely I will ignore the offending party.
When _I_ was a newbie, noone made my way for me. I'm nasty to those who are nasty to me ("Who are _YOU_ I don't know you, you must not be anyone". Didn't you join the list a week ago? Dumb ass)
And there are some people whom I cannot get along with.
As there are people who hate my guts, the ground I walk on, the air I breathe.
I've never felt more grounded and secure in my life. As my social circle, and friends disintegrate around me. I'm having trouble with that. How am I so safe and secure?
I guess I know myself better than I thought.
And I'd like to say, that if I ever get too much, that I don't realize what I'm doing in my pain, that I be told to stop, and I CAN and WILL. If you're not part of the solution you are part of the problem.
This doesn't mean I'm talking to any one I don't want to however. Perhaps this means that I don't want the drama either. I know this means that in certain places, til everyone calms down, I have to be supportive and non-confrontational. I'm asked for very little, this I can do.
I suggest boffer weapons and spell packets at dawn. I throw a mean Lighting Bolt spell. *LOL*
I thought I was just being overdramatic, with my "He's not talking to me fuck him." attitude.
But I do know one thing, that I'm not SO bad that there's a lot of bad feelings and stuff all around that might be my fault, I'm not that good/bad.
perhaps I've just opened my eyes, dragging myself out of my self pity, to see that there are other things going on, things I can't even see clearly.
But BOY do I see the repercussions.
I feel bad that some people feel bad.
But I am not, for one, going to pretend something that isn't.
Yes I can be civil.
More than likely I will ignore the offending party.
When _I_ was a newbie, noone made my way for me. I'm nasty to those who are nasty to me ("Who are _YOU_ I don't know you, you must not be anyone". Didn't you join the list a week ago? Dumb ass)
And there are some people whom I cannot get along with.
As there are people who hate my guts, the ground I walk on, the air I breathe.
I've never felt more grounded and secure in my life. As my social circle, and friends disintegrate around me. I'm having trouble with that. How am I so safe and secure?
I guess I know myself better than I thought.
And I'd like to say, that if I ever get too much, that I don't realize what I'm doing in my pain, that I be told to stop, and I CAN and WILL. If you're not part of the solution you are part of the problem.
This doesn't mean I'm talking to any one I don't want to however. Perhaps this means that I don't want the drama either. I know this means that in certain places, til everyone calms down, I have to be supportive and non-confrontational. I'm asked for very little, this I can do.
I suggest boffer weapons and spell packets at dawn. I throw a mean Lighting Bolt spell. *LOL*
