Reasonable hour update

I haven't had time to write anything that wasn't job venting at a reasonable hour in a while. I'll try not to whine.

( Cut for length and rambling )

I'm surprised I rambled on so much about last night. I haven't posted about anything else yet. It also looks like if I want an adventure after the Season I'm doing it alone. Bret has 86'ed the idea of Las Vegas (in the same vein me of me going to Germany without le2pold just ain't gonna happen. He has a friend that he needs to go to Vegas with. Fine then. I'll talk to the girls about planning one for September maybe.) and we can't afford a NYC hotel. Plus I'm thinking I need to reconnect to some people, and I can't do that with an accessory, no matter how adorable Bret is. We're going to try for May, but I might pop down for the weekend. Emails to follow once I come up for air, and make some decisions.

Off to shower and get moving. Tonight will be a late night - I intend on getting the boss to give me several projects to keep me busy for at least 6 hours. That would be 10PM, at least. Fun fun fun, but it's my price for getting up at 10:30.

Oh, PS

My playstation has shipped. I expect to lose all will to do anything once It arrives. *evil grin*

I'm OK with the not going to Vegas or NYC on the expensive, since I really can't afford it. I might have to tell Bret I can't afford to get a hotel. I'll know better in April. Once I pay some things off. It's just easier to get in my car, alone, and crash on a floor or convenient couch. I can do that for a few days. Depending. And again, can't do that with an accessory.

Right, wasn't I getting moving? I need enough time to be denied sneakers again.

*contemplative*

So, I've been having work doubts. (*duh*)
I was saying something about my current situation to the other part timer in CPA #2's office. I was also telling her about my sleeping issues. She reminded me that not everyone is built to work the kind of hours businesses usually demand.

I told her "I hear in my head the voice of a former boss, who told me my performance was great, except for the fact that I came in later than he liked, and it was a detriment to my job, and made me a less than stellar employee." (Said boss also had 100% turnover in staff in the 6 months I worked there, believe me I think he was a hoser.) I also said that THAT voice is just a representative for all the times I've heard it.

She said "Geez. You really are beating yourself up over this. You're angry at yourself."

And she's not wrong.
I'm listening to other people again. When they tell me I suck, or am a poor employee, or whatever I'm being told that's bad. Sometimes it's constructive. Believe me I don't want it sugar coated.

but, what about people who want you to do something their way, or on their timetable, or INSTEAD of them doing it, and they resort to emotional blackmail?

Why am I so prone to believing the bad stuff?
I have enough arrogance for a small third world country. Why on EARTH do I care about some things and not others?

Well this IS giving me food for thought - I seriously doubt i'm going to settle for that corporate job. I want a place where I can be me, and preferably not be the weirdest person there. OR I want to work at home. OR I want to work in a place where I can come and go. I won't mind being paid hourly as long as I can earn time off, and medical bennies. Basically I'm rewarded for good work, and time spent, without being on someone's 9 to 5 good boy/bad boy ruler.

It just doesn't work for me. And I need to stop apologizing for that.

I DO NOT mind long hours, as long as I take the same for myself at some point. I'm continually amazed at people who work long hours, and DON'T take time for themselves.

*shrugs* I'll be processing this one for a while I think.