Yep

It's amazing how just ONE thing can send me into a tailspin.
And it's not even the effort, it's so random. If it's on purpose, it makes me giggle, but callous disregard from my loved ones can make me just - sink.
*shrugs*
After last night, ridiculous advice that had NOTHING to do with my current situation, and a nice long chat with KA, I feel better, mostly due to having it finally out in the open, to my ears. I don't think I'm going to do anything, or say anything. I really don't know WHAT to say, for once, so I'm just going to sit back a bit and see what happens.

I do love Toast, curses_boston's venue, but I don't know how often I can go. Ka said it with me last night "At first it was novel, but the fact is I'm paying $10 to sit on a couch." I'm not keen on the dance space area, it's loud and dark. It's just not worth it to pay that much for the privilege of that (fantastic) couch. Yes, I know I PAY to enter other places and sit, but at MR I watch, and do dance on occasion. AND, very rarely, do I pay more than $5 to do that sitting. So, for $10 I have people watching AND a drink. KA and I might not be attending all that much in the future, unless the cover goes down. I'm not going to make my only night out a week the one where all I can DO is sit, and not necessarily see everyone. I want to continue to go out on Wednesdays, and if I go out on Fridays, I'm not going to want to do it again Saturday. That's a pretty moot point for August, given the timing of my surgery. (I feel strange using that term - I'm just having teeth pulled.)

Next week will be my unofficial birthday "outing." since my real birthday is the following Tuesday. I think I want to go to the Flea, but I have to see what happens with money first. It sounds like I'll have KA and Ellie, and maybe Chris and Lettie too. We were discussing having "White Trash Birthday, revisited!" by going down to Hull. I was thinking we could do that and KA and I could end the night at Curses, as I'd like to support the DJ, but then again, maybe I'll call Bret and we'll go to ManRay instead. I guess it depends on who shows. I'll make some calls this week, and once there's a decision, I'll pop it up here, in case anyone wants to come along.

The actual day of my birthday will be spent at two clients *POUTS* and then out to Haven, so that my pocket DJ addambombb *gigglefit* can play The Cruxshadows and Spice Girls for me *evil snicker* Or maybe some Britney. I DESERVE birthday Britney, dammit! I apologize for not being able to throw a party on the 14th *again with the giggling* but anyone who wants to come keep my tooth-pulled ass on that day is welcome. I'm not looking to key that one up, it's a Tuesday, but I'm trying to get myself a couple of escorts, just so I can forget about shit for one night. Plus, El is sure to make me something dirty and chocolate naughty. Gods I love that woman!

But I also can't get tanked, since due to the procedure on Friday of that week, I REALLY have to work on Wednesday. I'm planning on saying "Yo, NOT coming in til Noon." Which I don't think is too much to ask. I'm willing to work, eventually. Monday o that week is just going to suck, as we REALLY need to do stuff, and he's not going to be willing to. Oi, is he ever going to be pissed when I have to go to my other client on Thursday instead of HIS office. He HAS to understand, if he doesn't I'll quit.

Anyway, I have some work to do today, I'm going to get somewhat dressed and turn on the A/C, it's a bit muggy in here, and decide where to go from here. This should be my last weekend trapped in the house, due to lack of money. I have to drive to the Cape tomorrow, so I have to save the gas for that. I need to quest for food in here too. Although I do feel OK after pancakes, and eggies last night. Yay for getting treated to breakfast!

I dunno, maybe I'll take a drive anyway. A short one. Maybe I'll have an ice cream, that won't be too bad, money wise.

hmmm, freezer meat

I located the last of the meat slices in the freezer. I'm now full of meat. I LOATHE living here with her there's no room in the freezer for meats and stuff for grilling. It's full of her stuff, and my nephew's favorite bagels. I can't even get to my ice cream. I want a blizzard, and have ALL the makings to do it, but even if I had the right kind of blender (which I BELIEVE I do) I can't find it, nor drag it out, without having to clean layers of dust off of it.

Seriously - I'm thinking about hiring SOMEONE to clean the kitchen while she's gone. After chatting with KA last night ( We talked about a lot of things last night *grins*) I've decided the Unit has to put up, or shut up. She's threatening to sell again, since she "can get *names outrageous money amount*" Tonight she gets told "You have two choices, and you need to decide on one of them. Either sell to ME, in a rent to own situation, OR you're NOT selling to me, and I'm moving out by year's end, maybe sooner if I can save my money enough." I have to do most of my billing tonight, to see how much I have this month. This should give me an idea how much I should be able to expect monthly. I've decided that I want to stay here enough to take on a roomie. It will still be MY house, and hopefully, with the unit out of the way, and ME in control, I'll be better off. I'm thinking about talking to El, but I'm also thinking I need someone who is too busy to have a home life. Tradeoff may be the parking space. After all I'm only renting out the room, and the living room and kitchen are "shared space." I don't feel like it's "shared" now. It's just - hers. with crap in it (books that are mine, other stuff that's mine, all of which buried under HER and the nephew's crap.)

My mistake in the past couple of months - NOT making a decision. I've been waffling while SHE makes "decisions", a term I use loosely. That ends now. By year's end I either want to be here alone (or with a roomie) or in my own apartment, perhaps also with a roomie, depending on what happens. Eirthe way, I'm not much longer for this situation. I believe that on her vacation, I'm moving the room around, and cleaning the walls, maybe RePainting the same color to take care of things. Putting up window treatments. I should plan to take some time off, not a lot tho. With her gone and me able to do as I please, I should make some progress. I am motivated.

Now to go put away dishes, clean out sink, do MY dishes, and dye my hair. I think I'm going to late something to drink first. I think there's some Crystal Light in the closet. Not mine, but fuck em. *grins* I'm in the mood for lemonade, even if it's faux lemonade.

Sonovabeyatch

The Unit has just arrived home, to eff up my nice day. At least she didn't bitch about how hot it is in here, she just turned on the A/C. I'd had it on, but it got kinda cold. I'm now in my room, which is sweltering.

She announces that, after saying she can't afford it and doesn't know what she wants, she has "impulse" purchased a Mini-van, the same brand she's been looking at (don't ask me what it is, I don't know.) It is apparently the cheapest one with a sunroof, but it's not the color she wanted (it's black, not blue) and she did the whole thing Saturday, and is picking it up tomorrow.

I don't know why this makes me angry, but it does. She's been complaining about money, and has two years left on her car, which she's been trying to tell ME I should buy from her (hell no, the Saturn propaganda worked, I want myself that LS300, her car simply wouldn't do.) Now she has a five year plus note, on a car that she said she "liked OK." There's a bitchfest in my future about it, I can tell.

I used this minute to instruct her she needs to make up her damn mind about whether or not I'm buying this condo. AGAIN, it's on ME to decide what to do. Yes she'll sell it to me, but it's ME that's not ready. I told her if I DO buy it she has to get the hell OUT.

I wonder how much stuff I could have done today KNOWING she wouldn't be coming home, and I could have worked in the A/C'd living room? I'm literally now DYING in my room, from the heat in here. I would clean the kitchen and living room, stretch and steam clean the rug, and just clean everything - the closet gives me the WILLIES how disgusting it might be in there.

Well, she's going to be hoist on her own petard. I'm calling over to my old client tomorrow, to talk to the legal guy there. I'm going to start researching what she said. Maybe by my birthday I can have an answer to what I'd need, and whap her with it. THEN I have to DO what I need to do. Seriously considering NOT having a social life for August, except what I've planned for my B-Day and ManRay, and getting that paperwork done that needs doing. IF I can not work til after nine at night (which ISN'T happening til THURSDAY for Christ's sake!)

ARGH!

I'm shutting off my brain. I'm getting a sandwich, printing my bills, and going to bed, soon.

I'm frustrated with how there seems to be too many things rolling about at once.