Feh

Honestly, I dunno what to do.
I'm overwhelmed by the amount of CRAP I have. I've had these storage units for years and they keep just building up, rather than coming down.
My mother is a serious problem. I've wasted a whole week. I didn't do much working all week. My room should be spotless. But she's been home, and in my way. I don't have any money, I don't have anything ready to ebay. I have a stack of mess that I haven't been able to touch.
But she's not entirely to blame. I had yesterday after she left, I certainly didn't go out. I did nothing, but sleep and eat. I could have had everything cleaned out of the laundry basket, I could have had a pile of clothes to take pictures of today. I don't.
There's just something wrong. I don't want to log into Soulseek because someone bitched at me for dling too much from them. Said it "prevented other users from dling." but, since I never GOT anything from them, as I stayed at number 200 or UNDER, that means it wasn't entirely me. So I sent back a snarky reply, since they were just being pissy. You only get one file at a time. People I take a lot from I add to my list so they have the ability to dl more at a time. But I don't want to log in and have them start up again. Like I did something wrong. Freaking asswipe.
But that's my point - when did I fear what some asshat stranger thinks of me? I didn't go out because I didn't want to deal with the opinions of those I didn't want to deal with, I just didn't know in what attitude I'd be afterwards. And it's not my house. So I don't go.

But where the hell is it coming from?I'm not really afraid, If I was I'd never go out and there's a couple of vipers whom it's just fun to take on, they have all these intricate plans that just fall flat, and it's pretty funny to have to just BE and have all this stuff go on. But where's my energy? Where's my enjoyment? WHY is it OK for me to sit on my butt and stare at the tv?

I dunno, but I need to figure it out. It's not just as easy as "Just go do" since I tried that and the 3rd party doesn't make it possible.
*sighs* I need to do stuff with what's left of today. I way slept too long.

Edit - Good lord the user APOLOGIZED! It doesn't matter - I want nothing from him, but HONESTLY! What and ever.

*sighs*

Well here I am, not dressed, nothing done, and again, hungry.
I think THIS time, I'm going to go shopping later. I don't want this to happen tomorrow. Feh, I don't know. I don't think I'd stop eating out. I feel like I'm always hungry. Even after I eat. Because I wait til I'm starving to hunt out food, then eat what I get, then am still hungry and the process starts all over.

I wish she hadn't been home all week. I hate it. The summer is going to SUCK, since my nephew is home with my sister all summer, and I'm sure they're going to be HERE all the time. I have no money, I have no cllients that need work done, I don't want to hunt down new ones, my energy level is 0, and all I do is whine.

*sighs*

I need to close my door. I need to get this stuff out of here so I have room to work. Let's start there.

I miss Tom

I'm starting my cleaning with putting away some CDs, and taking out a bunch more to rip.

On top of this pile - Fade.

This is when I started getting really into the club. Coming out all the time. Still with Kendall or Abby, and we had my/our tight group of friends (KA, Debb, Chrissy, Lisa, Theresa, and Chris and Nick, and for me Ashley) K had her own group so these people became mine. I had the BIGGEST crush on Tom, when he worked coatcheck. Some of the best times I had was down there with him, watching people come and go, keeping scary people from hassling him *grins* .

So, I HAVE been there forever, not as long as some, but longer than others. I've seen all the crap, I've watched all the drama. I know all of it. It's in here somewhere.

Just because I choose to float on the outskirts, doesn't mean I don't know what goes on, yes?

Eh, I should clean. This was just a nice flashback. Tom was so sweet, I hope he's happy - one of those who just drifted out and I lost track of him.

*sighs*