The longer I sit here, the longer I'm gone

mostly, I have to work, I have stuff to do, noone is around to watch me - prepare for the Great Slacking. *sighs* I'm looking at a 1PM arrival. I can't seem to get around the "I need MORE sleep." ideas. I want about a week of not having to haul my ass anywhere, and just sleep as late as I want. Although this, conversely, makes me stay up pretty much all night. I'd like 8 or 9 hours of sleep that starts at say, midnight., and not 4AM. I need to start getting up earlier, but I also want to make sure I schedule around going out. Seriously, I DON'T want to be driving to the Cape on an After ManRay morning! But, neither do I want to be on the Cape on a ManRay Wednesday, unless I get there by 11 or so, so I can leave at 6. That might be an option. I don't went to head to the Cape on Fridays in the summer, but that leaves Monday and Wednesday (since Tuesday is out, due to regularly scheduled clients. Why the hell does EVERYONE want me on Tuesdays? I can't tell you how many times one or the other of the CPA's got huffy when they asked about Tuesdays and I said no.)

Ok what just happened - one of oscuridad's friends just added me to his LJ list. He's in Edinburgh - you know that place I'm going to be in about two weeks? I did NOT just meet someone in Edinburgh?!?! *whaps self* Laura's going to KILL me! I apparently know people EVERYWHERE!

Paging happylizardboy I don't think you know what you're getting into - please pop me a note as to why you decided My crappy ramblings are worth reading. There's a drink in a pub in it for you. We arrive in Edinburgh on May 21, through the weekend.

And anyone from Prince Edward's Island thinking of adding me - DON'T - I'd like to go somewhere where I don't KNOW anyone! I'm so going to "Anne of Green Gables" Geek Out.

Right then - If I want to pay for this trip I have to get my ass out, via a shower and some Ramen. I should eat the spaghetti from Saturday, but I'm not in the mood - I want a sandwich. But I also know I shouldn't be spending that kind of money (this is Mashpee after all, Land of the Crappy Tourists and high prices.) Maybe I'll have an Ice cream later, then a cheap chicken sub at my favorite place before coming home. I left my Edinburgh book in the car, so I have something to read, and I want to look it over before passing them on to Laura.

Eh, my eyes hurt. Something caused a flareup of the eyelid thing, and wearing makeup doesn't help. I'm hoping to stay out of makeup til next week, and I need to start washing my eyelids with baby shampoo a couple of times a day (recommended therapy) I also need to see my eye doctor, but I think I can do that next week, after I collect some more money. I'm nervous only having one last pair of backup contacts, especially with going overseas. I DO have a VERY last ditch pair, but they're well out of date, expiration wise. *shrugs* I'll see after the weekend.

Right shower, and food, then off to work. HMMMM = via coffee! Yay for iced coffee!

*jeebus*

hey, who remembers THIS song, from Tax Season?
*bangs head on keyboard*

Right so I don't hear from this, the Cape office, all week. Today the Boss' daughter, also referred to as Wage Slave #2, calls and reads me a LIST of problems, along with surprise that I'm coming down today. I told her about this last week. I also told her some other things.

Her main complaint, was that some files weren't "available" and her computer was acting up, and "slow" to boot up or down. So I think "huh, it's not talking to the server, but I don't know why it's having booting issues. I'll have to try and get it to replicate the problem" which is an issue, since it didn't have a problem when she tried to show me last week, NOR did it do anything funky when I shut it down several times, later.

Of course, all this assumes she booted the server. Which she didn't.

*sighs*

We need to shut down the server and all computers, since there will be a power outage, and I might not be here to shut down/reboot. I wrote out detailed instructions last week for the actions (because i had to, when it comes to higher functions, they're useless, even if it's just "Press THIS button....") I also told her I was going to SHUT THE SERVER DOWN ANYWAY, since it's been running constantly since last November. I figured, it's not being used, we should shut it down. My boss is on vacation, and someone isn't always here, AND we have power crashes.

She forgets to reboot the server Monday, and DOESN'T NOTICE til today. Tells me just how much work she's ACTUALLY doing! (read: NONE!) Meanwhile she's turned ON the computers, and wondering why she doesn't have access to some Quickbook files (resident on the server, for multi computer access and backups) and why the boss' email isn't showing up (also resident on the server, for the same reasons)

ARGH! So I bet my boss is freaking out. This ALSO explains why the computer guy couldn't remotely log in - the server has to be freaking ON FOR IT TO WORK! You should have HEARD her, all gloom and doom.

It really DOES come down to the simple questions. "Have you turned it on?" is SO demeaning to say and to hear, but 90% of the time it's the FREAKING PROBLEM! GAH!

Now I need to check in with the computer guy, since the network didn't work QUITE right until I reset the router, and the Internet didn't come up until I'd reset the Modem AFTER that. IF she needs to reset all three, I may as well come down, because she's NEVER going to figure that out!

See, I'm a good wanna be geek - I reset everything in sight, in various orders, until they either work, or don't, THEN I call tech support! I don't just call and whine "It broken!" for them to tell me to turn the freaking thing on.

I could smack her. If she'd called me Monday I could have dealt with it before anyone freaked out.

I need another Latte.

See, this is how it should be!

I'm sitting in the nice quiet office. Radio IO 80's is playing. I'd rather have the TV on, but there is no TV, but *shrugs* I have work to do that I don't mind doing and I'm motivated, between LJ and email checks. I feel I can get it all done. The A/C is on, I'm cooled down and in a productive mood. Noone is bitching at me.

Earlier, the office was a suana. The A/C was set to 80+ (meaning only when it hit above 80+ would it kick in, and then only cool it to 80+. Believe me, it sucks.) It's now set to about 72, which means it cools to below 72 then kicks in again when it gets above. The other guy thought it was "fine" I think this is the problem I have with offices - no fresh air and no regulation of temp. You ALWAYS have to have it how the whiney person or the boss wants it. This is too cold for my boss. Her ideal temp makes me feel that I'm living in a, well, Sauna. I fall asleep, and can't concentrate.

I want to own my two bedroom condo. I actually want that setup I discussed with Constantine last night - first floor office, complete with conference room, my office, secretary's desk and places for hired help to work, along with a full kitchen and public bath. On the 2nd floor + living quarters, my own living room, and bedroom, and study. I could roll downstairs and be in "work" mode AND I could do things like work an hour, instead of having to trek all the way to some distant office. I can work at all hours, if can't sleep or overslept I can still put in 8 hours. Or more.

If I get the two bedroom I can do the same thing, have a "work" space and a "relax" space. I lack that SO MUCH right now. My computer space is just cluttered, I don't feel I can productively work there, and if I move to the bed and laptop, I get confused, physically. After all, the bed is "sleep" space.

*sighs* I don't know how to break out of this, short of moving. Maybe I should. *sighs again* As much as I want this trip, I feel that it's not a good idea, for me on the home front. The Unit is being hostile, and I think the trip is behind it. I'm behind with all my personal packing and de-cluttering and having to work my ass off now isn't helping.

And, let's face it, I don't have the space. All my ideas have me spreading out, sorting, reorganizing, and starting from scratch. I can't deal with halfway. I want to gut my room, repaint and just Begin Again. And I can't. My timetable for that intersects the Unit, and THAT's stress I don't need.

Seriously, I think the deep seeded problem is that I CONSTANTLY defer to what's best for someone else, instead of what's best for me. My mother says I use her. Yet, I can't watch TV in the living room, I can't be active during the times I AM, since it bothers her sleep schedule, I can't bring my own food into the house and cook, because it uses her things (which she doesn't want me to use) and makes a mess of HER kitchen, and generally inconveniences her.

I wonder, would I really change if I got away from her? I DID get used to a few things in my own apartment, but I still was forced to defer MY best interests in favor of HairBoy's (since he was the Master Blaster of all guilt trips. Moving out was the BEST choice. He also used to threaten me with the landlord. As in they were buddies. I hope he got screwed when the landlord realized the problem was NOT me, as he attessted, but HIM when the problems continued when I moved out. Asshat.)

geez, imagine having a place of my own in my colors, with all of my things in their places, my food in my fridge, my mess in the sink, and MY things in the bathroom, instead of in my room, since it inconveniences her to have my things stored in HER areas. Being able to work at 2AM, becuase I'm awake, in my work room.

I hate roommate situations. Going back to one permanently will never happen. This will be MY place to ruin or resolve as I see fit.

Again = back to perpetual waiting. I need to break this cycle. Starting with getting back to work.

(no subject)

Would someone just shoot me in the head and put me out of my misery?

dancer and feline the emails won't stop coming. He mouths platitudes, that make me angrier, and now I feel guilty that I'm being so harsh. I want him to give me his real feelings, and I get items close to weather discussions, validating my anger, but not remotely curing the causes. WTF do I do now???

I'm thinking of taking some advice from Anthrax, and "startin' up a posse" and kick some serious stupid boy ASS.

I need some Cruxshadows, STAT. I also need to talk to Lou, but he's probably en route to GA. *sighs*

I swear she's on crack

The Unit just hand delivered my forgotten in the kitchen soda. Because she "didn't want *me* to forget it."

This is the same woman who told me to fuck off yesterday.

is it any wonder I act bipolar? Is it any wonder I DON'T want kids if I'm going to end up acting this way?

Feh. I have emails to answer, and pictures to upload.