I HATE it

when he leaves.
I should be grateful for the time I get with him, yet I cry and rail like a baby when he leaves. I'm hoping, although I feel BAD for hoping, that his plans tonight fall through, so I might get to hang out for a while with him.

I also had a chat with HER, someone I don't usually talk to. I think SHE has a lot more to do than worry about me and my gossip. This is more a reminder to myself of what I promised HER I would, or rather, would NOT do. Let's just say someone who shouldn't have, laughed at my pain, so I had a chat with HER all the way home, about what I should do. SHE's made me feel that SHE'll handle it, and I'm not to worry about the sad creature who takes pleasure in other's pain. I feel vindicated, that I've made the right decision to keep this creature out of my life, and relieved, that I still feel HER support.

I adore my Ranger, and I can't forget that he potentially puts his life on the line for the freedom, and life, of such a bitch as tonight. That makes me ANGRY, that this one takes this gift for granted like that. I never understood it before, although I felt for those with loved ones in service. Maybe I didn't agree with the politics (still don't) but soldiers do as they are told, and they deserve our respect and love, for giving up as much as their own lives to stand between most of "us" and some who would take away what we've worked so hard to get. The system isn't perfect, but I'd rather be here, stupid bitches and all, than in some other places. Some places are better, others a hell of a lot worse.

I'll say this, tho, and I thought about it all the way home. I've never taken pleasure in someone else's pain. I've found it funny, I've felt it deserved, I've shaken my head in amazement, but I've never sat back and felt sheer joy that someone I disliked was miserable.

*shakes* OK, in HER hands now. I'm not dreading what I've written, usually HER warning to me. I'm going to go to sleep, to try and plug up that Lou shaped hole in my heart for just a while longer, he doesn't have that much time left to go in his service, and he wants to come home and get his degree, so he'll be back before I know it, really, and as long as he doesn't get sent somewhere hot and sandy, or worse, I can call him whenever I want.

(no subject)

Last night was my Halloween, I'm pretty sure I'm working some evil kind of late tonight (since I'm still sitting here, and I should have been gone about an hour ago) and unless I get a page about a Ranger, I'm coming home and passing out. I bought some frozen dinners yesterday and I think I should bring one with me.

Hmmm, today, coffee, you are god. But I want Honey Dew coffee (Vanilla Hazelnut *drool*) but I'm being denied since I'm too late to deal with going out of my way, so I guess I'm going to settle for Annie's. Feh.

I feel on hold here. Stupid work. Maybe after tomorrow, I can concentrate. MY boss is off to Florida, but I only have two days to get all my work done for the month, since I won't be down in the office after the 19th, since I'm going to London.

Tonight I think I shall stop by Borders and spoil myself with a London tour book, and a map, I get paid today, the check that I think I'm going to use to pay off my bills, and then the rest of my money is all mine for the spending *giggle*

I'm late, and rambling. I think that if I don't get to see him tonight, I may take a drive out to Worcester to see him, for a minute, tomorrow night. It'll be worth it.

That's after a thing at Nikki/Debb's. I need to spend more time with these kids, I love Chris and Letty (lucky bastard), and KelleyAnne, and Ellie, and I even love Lisa, who makes me look well balanced *LOL* We all need to talk about Chris' show in NYC next month, and work out what the what is. I need to find my KA a man worthy of her, and I think I need to spend some quality time with her in NYC.

You know, the guy in the Legolas costume was cute, even tho he was Doug *grins* VERY glad tobi wasn't there, I'd hate to catfight over him. On principle.

Oh coffee, my god, here I come.

(no subject)

Greetings.
I have the biggest headache in the WORLD.
Even if I had drugs (which are at home) I would not take them, in case I get a chance to drink Mead tonight, just a wittle bit. (of course, if I had thought, I'd have brought and taken the drugs so I'd get the call about drinking mead. At least I'd be doing what I want to be, albiet not drinking the mead. Anyway.)
It's not a food headache, I ate.
It might be a stress headache, but my boss is gone now and it's actually gotten worse.
I'm thinking it's a lack of sleep headache, and a crying jag headache.
MAN my mascara ain't waterproof, fucking liars!
*sigh*
Tonight, I think I need something indulgent. perhaps some Starbucks coffee whippy thingy. I'm definately not in the mood for Halloween. *sigh*
Saw pictures of the cutest wittle kitty-cat-girl ever.
I need to get something super cute in London, maybe a little Royal Guard outfit, with big fuzzy hat, something we can dress up a dolly in after she's outgrown it *LOL*

Ow, my head hurts. And I have intalls to finish, and stupid crap to finish. You never knew I was a resident computer geek, now didja?
Someone needs to rub my head. I have a short list of whom I'd LIKE it to be (*cough cough* CB *cough*) but I'll settle for, well, just about anyone who isn't going to piss me off. That is IF i ever leave work.

Wow, my life is just so boring that this is all I have to talk about today.