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tiamatladywhen he leaves.
I should be grateful for the time I get with him, yet I cry and rail like a baby when he leaves. I'm hoping, although I feel BAD for hoping, that his plans tonight fall through, so I might get to hang out for a while with him.
I also had a chat with HER, someone I don't usually talk to. I think SHE has a lot more to do than worry about me and my gossip. This is more a reminder to myself of what I promised HER I would, or rather, would NOT do. Let's just say someone who shouldn't have, laughed at my pain, so I had a chat with HER all the way home, about what I should do. SHE's made me feel that SHE'll handle it, and I'm not to worry about the sad creature who takes pleasure in other's pain. I feel vindicated, that I've made the right decision to keep this creature out of my life, and relieved, that I still feel HER support.
I adore my Ranger, and I can't forget that he potentially puts his life on the line for the freedom, and life, of such a bitch as tonight. That makes me ANGRY, that this one takes this gift for granted like that. I never understood it before, although I felt for those with loved ones in service. Maybe I didn't agree with the politics (still don't) but soldiers do as they are told, and they deserve our respect and love, for giving up as much as their own lives to stand between most of "us" and some who would take away what we've worked so hard to get. The system isn't perfect, but I'd rather be here, stupid bitches and all, than in some other places. Some places are better, others a hell of a lot worse.
I'll say this, tho, and I thought about it all the way home. I've never taken pleasure in someone else's pain. I've found it funny, I've felt it deserved, I've shaken my head in amazement, but I've never sat back and felt sheer joy that someone I disliked was miserable.
*shakes* OK, in HER hands now. I'm not dreading what I've written, usually HER warning to me. I'm going to go to sleep, to try and plug up that Lou shaped hole in my heart for just a while longer, he doesn't have that much time left to go in his service, and he wants to come home and get his degree, so he'll be back before I know it, really, and as long as he doesn't get sent somewhere hot and sandy, or worse, I can call him whenever I want.
I should be grateful for the time I get with him, yet I cry and rail like a baby when he leaves. I'm hoping, although I feel BAD for hoping, that his plans tonight fall through, so I might get to hang out for a while with him.
I also had a chat with HER, someone I don't usually talk to. I think SHE has a lot more to do than worry about me and my gossip. This is more a reminder to myself of what I promised HER I would, or rather, would NOT do. Let's just say someone who shouldn't have, laughed at my pain, so I had a chat with HER all the way home, about what I should do. SHE's made me feel that SHE'll handle it, and I'm not to worry about the sad creature who takes pleasure in other's pain. I feel vindicated, that I've made the right decision to keep this creature out of my life, and relieved, that I still feel HER support.
I adore my Ranger, and I can't forget that he potentially puts his life on the line for the freedom, and life, of such a bitch as tonight. That makes me ANGRY, that this one takes this gift for granted like that. I never understood it before, although I felt for those with loved ones in service. Maybe I didn't agree with the politics (still don't) but soldiers do as they are told, and they deserve our respect and love, for giving up as much as their own lives to stand between most of "us" and some who would take away what we've worked so hard to get. The system isn't perfect, but I'd rather be here, stupid bitches and all, than in some other places. Some places are better, others a hell of a lot worse.
I'll say this, tho, and I thought about it all the way home. I've never taken pleasure in someone else's pain. I've found it funny, I've felt it deserved, I've shaken my head in amazement, but I've never sat back and felt sheer joy that someone I disliked was miserable.
*shakes* OK, in HER hands now. I'm not dreading what I've written, usually HER warning to me. I'm going to go to sleep, to try and plug up that Lou shaped hole in my heart for just a while longer, he doesn't have that much time left to go in his service, and he wants to come home and get his degree, so he'll be back before I know it, really, and as long as he doesn't get sent somewhere hot and sandy, or worse, I can call him whenever I want.
