I want my right
May. 8th, 2001 01:53 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tiamatladyto be angry,
or pissy,
or happy,
or sad
or whatever I want.
Without Answering To Anyone.
I've earned it. I just have to keep my drama to me, and I think I should become more of a closed book. Wonderful, yet another lesson I didn't want forced down my throat (I've also learned, a couple of years ago, what betrayal tastes like, and how I can never really ever trust anyone again, because everyone will leave you in the end)
I want to go back to NYC. Aimee called while I was at Ceremony, and I should drop her an email right now, plus I should email Constantine. Given how tonight went, I'm sure he hates me too. *LOL* Anyway I want C to know that D's bad mood wasn't his fault, directly, and maybe explain her thought process. I want to talk to him to, or maybe it's just I'm at a low right now and he always makes me feel better. He's just so sweet and honest, perhaps he has his secrets, but he's entitled to a few, and I think he'd rather hurt himself than hurt me. He called me "open and sweet and generous." *ha* If only he knew, apparently I'm not good enough for anyone else. I don't think I want him to know the truth, like Rogue. I don't want to meet Rogue, I like my fantasy. And Rogue holds up to it very well. Perhaps I'd rather have my naughty little fantasy about C. Perhaps I'm tired of not hearing anything about him, and then he asks me if I'd heard anything and everyone and their mother comes to me and says "Isn't he dating....?" *sigh* I should ask him why he's concerned that he may be being discussed. I should send him this URL, just so he knows. I'll tell him all of this eventually. Just not tonight.
I'm tired. I'm tired of having my mood destroyed in a moment. I escaped it Saturday night, but it caught me tonight. Aimee said I can be put up in NYC anytime I want, but I think I'll pay off my credit card, book a room in the Beacon in 2 weeks, and go then. See where Aimee might put me up. I'll call her later this week, talk to her about it.
I'm going to bed, I'm getting far more depressed than I should be.
And I think I'm not posting for a while, we'll see.
or pissy,
or happy,
or sad
or whatever I want.
Without Answering To Anyone.
I've earned it. I just have to keep my drama to me, and I think I should become more of a closed book. Wonderful, yet another lesson I didn't want forced down my throat (I've also learned, a couple of years ago, what betrayal tastes like, and how I can never really ever trust anyone again, because everyone will leave you in the end)
I want to go back to NYC. Aimee called while I was at Ceremony, and I should drop her an email right now, plus I should email Constantine. Given how tonight went, I'm sure he hates me too. *LOL* Anyway I want C to know that D's bad mood wasn't his fault, directly, and maybe explain her thought process. I want to talk to him to, or maybe it's just I'm at a low right now and he always makes me feel better. He's just so sweet and honest, perhaps he has his secrets, but he's entitled to a few, and I think he'd rather hurt himself than hurt me. He called me "open and sweet and generous." *ha* If only he knew, apparently I'm not good enough for anyone else. I don't think I want him to know the truth, like Rogue. I don't want to meet Rogue, I like my fantasy. And Rogue holds up to it very well. Perhaps I'd rather have my naughty little fantasy about C. Perhaps I'm tired of not hearing anything about him, and then he asks me if I'd heard anything and everyone and their mother comes to me and says "Isn't he dating....?" *sigh* I should ask him why he's concerned that he may be being discussed. I should send him this URL, just so he knows. I'll tell him all of this eventually. Just not tonight.
I'm tired. I'm tired of having my mood destroyed in a moment. I escaped it Saturday night, but it caught me tonight. Aimee said I can be put up in NYC anytime I want, but I think I'll pay off my credit card, book a room in the Beacon in 2 weeks, and go then. See where Aimee might put me up. I'll call her later this week, talk to her about it.
I'm going to bed, I'm getting far more depressed than I should be.
And I think I'm not posting for a while, we'll see.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
*Sigh*
Date: 2001-05-08 05:21 am (UTC)*hugs* . . . feel better :)
Re: *Sigh*
Date: 2001-05-08 07:21 am (UTC)It's old crap being stirred up by current feelings, it'll pass.
*hugs*
Thanks
no subject
Date: 2001-05-08 06:02 am (UTC)to be angry,
or pissy,
or happy,
or sad
or whatever I want.
Without Answering To Anyone.
I've earned it.
of course you have.
and it annoys me sometimes that ppl think it's 'bad' to be one of those publically... or to tell someone that you're pissed off or whatever...
as if the full range of human emotions are something to be ashamed of.
it's not drama, it's natural...
di
re: *sigh*
Date: 2001-05-08 07:24 am (UTC)Like I told Dancer it's old crap being stirred up by current emotions, and it'll pass.
Last night was very odd.
I think that's why I want NYC so much right now, its _not here_, and I don't like the _not here_ feeling.
Once I get my equalibrium back It'll be all good. I just got thrown off balance last night. I was wearing the Boots of Doom (My new boots are now officially named "Boots of Doom" *grin*)
*hugs*
Oh my...
{concerned}
If you want to talk, I'll be home at 10:30 tonight.
~k