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Oct. 27th, 2002 02:39 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tiamatladyTonight/today was the most emotionally draining day I ever want to have.
It wasn't bad, where I thought it would be.
it was awful where I thought it wouldn't.
Apparently, there are people who still think of me as a needy, bitchy 12 year old, who requires intervention to keep me from blowing up. Now, I hear you saying "So what's different?" Believe me, there is a BIG difference. I don't like it when some drunken FUCK picks on me for hours, and every time I say something back, I get "Really let's not fight." Was that said to the drunken FUCK?? hell no. I'm not 12, you're not my dad, shove it up your ass. Actually I do think something was said because I the fuck did lay off after a certain point. But the damage had been done.
Oh and breaking down in ManRay saying ' You should have BEEN there!" and knowing it wasn't her fault, not even close, not even for a second that she couldn't be, and being VERY ANGRY at those who made her presence impossible. I'm just so DAMN Upset about that, and there's nothing, ever, EVER that will fix things, and now way to EVER go back and bring her to the wedding.
I'm tired. I'm shutting off my alarms, and my phone (maybe) and sleeping til I wake up I have to head to work for a while and I just don't want to do it without plenty of rest. Monday is going to be long with work and sushi (!) and Ceremony, with Lou.
I just can't believe how bad I feel right now, I shouldn't have gone either, I should have made her deal with everything, but I really thought I was doing the right thing.
It wasn't bad, where I thought it would be.
it was awful where I thought it wouldn't.
Apparently, there are people who still think of me as a needy, bitchy 12 year old, who requires intervention to keep me from blowing up. Now, I hear you saying "So what's different?" Believe me, there is a BIG difference. I don't like it when some drunken FUCK picks on me for hours, and every time I say something back, I get "Really let's not fight." Was that said to the drunken FUCK?? hell no. I'm not 12, you're not my dad, shove it up your ass. Actually I do think something was said because I the fuck did lay off after a certain point. But the damage had been done.
Oh and breaking down in ManRay saying ' You should have BEEN there!" and knowing it wasn't her fault, not even close, not even for a second that she couldn't be, and being VERY ANGRY at those who made her presence impossible. I'm just so DAMN Upset about that, and there's nothing, ever, EVER that will fix things, and now way to EVER go back and bring her to the wedding.
I'm tired. I'm shutting off my alarms, and my phone (maybe) and sleeping til I wake up I have to head to work for a while and I just don't want to do it without plenty of rest. Monday is going to be long with work and sushi (!) and Ceremony, with Lou.
I just can't believe how bad I feel right now, I shouldn't have gone either, I should have made her deal with everything, but I really thought I was doing the right thing.
