Maybe I was wrong
Apr. 30th, 2001 12:46 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tiamatladyto defend humanity.
For a couple of weeks now I'd been pestering the remote "Gee, you shouldn't withdraw from your friends, from your life. That's silly, hang in there, it'll get better."
I'm getting the feeling that withdrawing is a good idea.
Nothing in particular. I just need some down time, some time for Me. Next weekend will be awesome. Laura is the only person I can spend time with whom I don't tire of, although I think she has crappy neediness timing. And Chris and his new gf, whose name I CAN'T spell so I'll call her the giggling one, will be engrossed in each other, so I can actually run off with D and do other stuff away from them.
I don't mean everyone. It's the feeling of being tired of the drama, of being entertaining, of NOT being taken seriously, of being told "You ALWAYS have an opinion" like it's a bad thing. I'm tired of the image of me, like it's a bad thing. I am extremely comfortable of whom I am. I worked DAMN hard to get here. And I'm not going to let anyone tell me that I'm somehow wrong for it. So, I think I need a break from being corrected, or chastised or whatever word you want to call it.
Maybe I should stop poking about in LJ. I've found the LJ's of people that I know of, but, for one reason or another do not wish to pursue any kind of relationship with. And I just think that I hear so much of what I don't like in myself in their posts, I don't want to be that way.
But I won't let anyone tell me how to live my life, and I can't allow anyone to dictate my behavior. And lately, I feel watched and judged. So I think I need to limit my activities until I don't feel that way anymore. And I need to get some work done too. NYC this week, nonTia functions the next weekend. I really like that idea. Hopefully some down time watching anime with Kazama, and possibly gawking at Mexican cuties with ElectricCat and Tink. I think that's plenty.
And May starts Tuesday, I need to start putting my energy into feeling good about me so that my little May fling will happen. OH and The Mummy Returns, I'm going to try and get D and I tickets for a late Thursday pre-opening. Or maybe we can go Sunday night, but I want to go before the weekend. Must-See-Brenden-Fraser-such-a-hottie! *sigh*
Nighty night .
For a couple of weeks now I'd been pestering the remote "Gee, you shouldn't withdraw from your friends, from your life. That's silly, hang in there, it'll get better."
I'm getting the feeling that withdrawing is a good idea.
Nothing in particular. I just need some down time, some time for Me. Next weekend will be awesome. Laura is the only person I can spend time with whom I don't tire of, although I think she has crappy neediness timing. And Chris and his new gf, whose name I CAN'T spell so I'll call her the giggling one, will be engrossed in each other, so I can actually run off with D and do other stuff away from them.
I don't mean everyone. It's the feeling of being tired of the drama, of being entertaining, of NOT being taken seriously, of being told "You ALWAYS have an opinion" like it's a bad thing. I'm tired of the image of me, like it's a bad thing. I am extremely comfortable of whom I am. I worked DAMN hard to get here. And I'm not going to let anyone tell me that I'm somehow wrong for it. So, I think I need a break from being corrected, or chastised or whatever word you want to call it.
Maybe I should stop poking about in LJ. I've found the LJ's of people that I know of, but, for one reason or another do not wish to pursue any kind of relationship with. And I just think that I hear so much of what I don't like in myself in their posts, I don't want to be that way.
But I won't let anyone tell me how to live my life, and I can't allow anyone to dictate my behavior. And lately, I feel watched and judged. So I think I need to limit my activities until I don't feel that way anymore. And I need to get some work done too. NYC this week, nonTia functions the next weekend. I really like that idea. Hopefully some down time watching anime with Kazama, and possibly gawking at Mexican cuties with ElectricCat and Tink. I think that's plenty.
And May starts Tuesday, I need to start putting my energy into feeling good about me so that my little May fling will happen. OH and The Mummy Returns, I'm going to try and get D and I tickets for a late Thursday pre-opening. Or maybe we can go Sunday night, but I want to go before the weekend. Must-See-Brenden-Fraser-such-a-hottie! *sigh*
Nighty night .
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no subject
Date: 2001-04-30 05:14 am (UTC)Definatly
Date: 2001-04-30 06:40 am (UTC)I understand limits, and everyone has them.
What I don't understand is how limits don't get reset after, oh, a week or so. It seems like there are people (noone in particular, just some) that once they reach their limit, constantly remind me of how my behavior is "unacceptable". I dumped a whole set of friends for that, and I can feel the same feelings returning. This set is not like the other set, so it's bothering me that the thought of dumping most everyone is appealing.
I obviously need a time out.
Perhaps some one on one (nothing naughty BAD hampster) time with some people will lead to better understanding, on both sides.
Plus the women of Sunset Haus have offered me cute Mexican serving boys to watch, how can I resist?
Hey Lady!
Date: 2001-04-30 07:06 am (UTC)"i am not an angry girl
but it seems like i've got everyone fooled
every time i say something they find hard to hear
they chalk it up to my anger
and never to their own fear
and imagine you're a girl
just trying to finally come clean
knowing full well they'd prefer you
were dirty and smiling"
*********
So, when are we going to the spa for facials and pedicures? :)