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tiamatladyI feel better.
I knew last night was just exhaustion talking. I'm super late for the office, but he's lucky I'm coming in at all, and I had a late night buyer for one of my Eva DVD's, so that needs to be packaged and sent before work.
I'm not sure going to ManRay was a good idea. it was, in that CB showed up, and bought me a drinkie *grin* and opened up a bit. Not necessarily, by the appearance of a specter from the past.
I almost feel like I have a point in my life, which has become only "then" I'm not friends, or at least close to, anyone from that era, if you will. I can count them on one hand, and it's not like KelleyAnne, or Debb, they had nothing to do with this part of my life, I feel like they are part of my "new" life, even though they were THERE, per se, it was through Chrissy that I really got to know Debb and them. OK rambling.
I knew this guy named Jason from around high school era. He was friends with the people I met through D, and how I met Bret. He appeared at ManRay last night, bringing with him "hey how are you? and do you talk to....?" *sigh* I found myself saying "I don't see (blank) anymore." A LOT. With him was his friend Barry, whom I went to high school with, how NOW lives in my former apartment, WITH my former roommate, the Evil Jon (as to differentiate him from CB- John) Or, HairBoy, as opposed to CoatBoy. (Believe me, the name applies. I'm not going into it.) Barry was as - annoying as I remember, always full of just this side of stupid comments. Although he does know how to NOT be a creepy guy, and was pretty respectful until after about his 5th beer.
here's the thing. I didn't really need this brought up, especially last night. I kept leaning on CB. Especially after my drink. "I'm sorry J, I feel badly, but right now your boundaries mean nothing." and I lay my head on his shoulder. He's full of - calm. I didn't want to drain my bad energy into him (Like I used to do with Mike, and still do occasionally, Skaven's a good one for that, but that requires permission these days, I never needed that with Mike, he could handle it.) So I didn't stay that way for long, and he made no effort to pull me closer, it was enough that I was alllowed the contact. I'm getting more bold about touching him, putting my hand on his leg to keep him from moving off as I say something to someone else, or on his hand to gain his attention. It's odd, how the little things mean so much, or more, ARE going to mean so much. We won't have to have PDA's, the little things are so much more powerful.
I don't want these people back in my life. I REALLY don't want Jon back, things went VERY badly, he was a super dick, and he believes I screwed him over moneywise. He tried to get me to pay for an apartment for a year, and not live there, I don't think considering that I paid first and last month's rent, instead of first and security deposit constituted a screwover. At least I left him alone. *sigh* Anyway, I don't want Jay to show back up to ManRay, WITH the shithead in tow. I can feel the advent of something, someone from my past coming back, and I'm not sure I want it. I'd be OK if it was Abby, she won't intrude (despite her best efforts. Seriously, the only boy I care about is CB and he won't be fooled by her "good girl" act, same as some other women I know. Oh, and he has HORRIBLE taste in men, he keeps pointing out the ugliest guys and saying "hey, you should check him out." I know he's putting me on, but it's getting annoying.)
*sigh* I need to go deal with the three LJ posts from yesterday that set me off. I need to go to the post office, and I need to go to work. then, tonight I Need to buy my London ticket, and I need to start packing up the stuff that's going to sell on Ebay. And I need to deal with my weekend.
I'd love to sit here today. I'd love to do not much of anything today. Bleh.
I knew last night was just exhaustion talking. I'm super late for the office, but he's lucky I'm coming in at all, and I had a late night buyer for one of my Eva DVD's, so that needs to be packaged and sent before work.
I'm not sure going to ManRay was a good idea. it was, in that CB showed up, and bought me a drinkie *grin* and opened up a bit. Not necessarily, by the appearance of a specter from the past.
I almost feel like I have a point in my life, which has become only "then" I'm not friends, or at least close to, anyone from that era, if you will. I can count them on one hand, and it's not like KelleyAnne, or Debb, they had nothing to do with this part of my life, I feel like they are part of my "new" life, even though they were THERE, per se, it was through Chrissy that I really got to know Debb and them. OK rambling.
I knew this guy named Jason from around high school era. He was friends with the people I met through D, and how I met Bret. He appeared at ManRay last night, bringing with him "hey how are you? and do you talk to....?" *sigh* I found myself saying "I don't see (blank) anymore." A LOT. With him was his friend Barry, whom I went to high school with, how NOW lives in my former apartment, WITH my former roommate, the Evil Jon (as to differentiate him from CB- John) Or, HairBoy, as opposed to CoatBoy. (Believe me, the name applies. I'm not going into it.) Barry was as - annoying as I remember, always full of just this side of stupid comments. Although he does know how to NOT be a creepy guy, and was pretty respectful until after about his 5th beer.
here's the thing. I didn't really need this brought up, especially last night. I kept leaning on CB. Especially after my drink. "I'm sorry J, I feel badly, but right now your boundaries mean nothing." and I lay my head on his shoulder. He's full of - calm. I didn't want to drain my bad energy into him (Like I used to do with Mike, and still do occasionally, Skaven's a good one for that, but that requires permission these days, I never needed that with Mike, he could handle it.) So I didn't stay that way for long, and he made no effort to pull me closer, it was enough that I was alllowed the contact. I'm getting more bold about touching him, putting my hand on his leg to keep him from moving off as I say something to someone else, or on his hand to gain his attention. It's odd, how the little things mean so much, or more, ARE going to mean so much. We won't have to have PDA's, the little things are so much more powerful.
I don't want these people back in my life. I REALLY don't want Jon back, things went VERY badly, he was a super dick, and he believes I screwed him over moneywise. He tried to get me to pay for an apartment for a year, and not live there, I don't think considering that I paid first and last month's rent, instead of first and security deposit constituted a screwover. At least I left him alone. *sigh* Anyway, I don't want Jay to show back up to ManRay, WITH the shithead in tow. I can feel the advent of something, someone from my past coming back, and I'm not sure I want it. I'd be OK if it was Abby, she won't intrude (despite her best efforts. Seriously, the only boy I care about is CB and he won't be fooled by her "good girl" act, same as some other women I know. Oh, and he has HORRIBLE taste in men, he keeps pointing out the ugliest guys and saying "hey, you should check him out." I know he's putting me on, but it's getting annoying.)
*sigh* I need to go deal with the three LJ posts from yesterday that set me off. I need to go to the post office, and I need to go to work. then, tonight I Need to buy my London ticket, and I need to start packing up the stuff that's going to sell on Ebay. And I need to deal with my weekend.
I'd love to sit here today. I'd love to do not much of anything today. Bleh.
