Calm, cool and collected
Sep. 12th, 2002 05:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tiamatladyat least, for right now.
I'm goofing off, instead of working, I worked all afternoon *pouts* I need a break. I only wanted to jot some things down, if that's OK with some people *makes a face* so I can expound (at length *giggle*) later.
Been thinking about (what else) CB, and how muhc I don't like the current situation. Something![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
tyg3r said got me thinking. I don't want to go pull the quote, but it was like "Wow you sure want a lot of time from a non-boyfriend." And she's right. I mean we're not even "offically" dating, to use the high school terminology, at least by my standards. We've had what I would consider a "date", per se, but it also could have been "friends", and the only difference is in my feelings for him, as opposed to say kazama or xanyboi. Dinner with either one of them, as an example, is just that. The only difference with CB is that I want more of an emotional tie, and that made our dinner a "date", I guess. Is that a line of thinking I shouldn't be pursueing? Perhaps our terminology isn't meshing? For me "Date" is casual, what you do when you're getting to know someone (especially someone you plan on seeing naked, a lot *evil grin*). If there's something more, perhaps my word is "steady" or "committed" as opposed to "dating" but it COULD be. His idea of "dating" is steady, monogamous "girlfriend" if you will. It's sad that such confusion, in my mind, is caused by terminology meaning two different things to two different people.
Fact is - I know what I want, and I won't be satisified until I get it. It's impossible for me to look elsewhere, actively. Don't get me wrong I've seen some nice pieces while out and about. But before meeting CB I actively looked, went out to do just that, although I did not have any hope of meeting anything nice. Now I'm content to stay home and wait on his ass, and I HATE that about me. I put in all this "work" which he hasn't asked me to do, and won't respond to, and I get mad becuase he's not as invested as I am. I understand there is a large amount of "getting over it" i have to do. I'm just not sure I WANT to, and therein lies the crux of the problem. *sigh* I don't give in to anyone, ever, why should I give into common sense?
On top of that, which I feel in the back of my mind at all times, turning over our conversations and trying to glean more information from them, there's work, which has my physically exhausted. I feel like I run and run, on a teeny little wheel, and nothing ever gets done. I've become better with lists, making one today to assure I get everything my boss wants done. Which I should get back to. *sigh* Then I have some other work I should do, and some rebates to fill out.
Oh yes, I got a new cell phone yesterday. *beam* I LOVE it already, although I'm going to miss my bright green "holy CRAP is that the actually color of your phone?" *giggle* This one doesn't have any other faceplates, but that's probably a good thing, seeing as I need to buy new accessories, because the old ones don't fit *grumble* as I found out with the car adaptor. It's not like they aren't the same brand, they're both Kyoceras, it's just my new one is a major upgrade. It has a bigger screen, it's lighter, it is a pretty silver, and it has way more potential. ON top of that, some of the accessories are spiffy, like the cable and software for downloading ringtones, and FINALLY bypassing Verizon Wireless to make my cell phone work with my laptop. Of course, these things aren't out yet *grumble* but I can wait. I think I'm going to put the other faceplates I have for my phone on Ebay, plus the accessories I never used. Hell, maybe I'll see if they want the phone too. I just don't think it'll go, and I should package up the phone, basics only, and give it to the women's thingdancer had mentioned, for battered women needing cell phones for emergencies. Unless someone else wanted it, maybe I should put M on my plan now, I wouldn't have to buy the phone, or give it to him to use. *shrug* I don't want to spend any more time or money on him, and giving him a cell is asking for trouble (I'm sorry, but it's true, and you know it.)
OK, nuff goofing off, I'd like to get hom by 9 or so to wind down. No Goffee for me tonight, I'm not feeling social, I'd like to get up early, and maybe get passport pictures taken, and put in my app. I think my London trip is being pushed to the third week of November, which gives me even more time to prepare, and go to GG without worrying. I'm going to research prices based on different departure dates, and the pros and cons of each, all based on staying at least 7 days.
Ah, the joys of being an accounting geek, I'm actually looking forward to running the analysis *sighs*
I'm goofing off, instead of working, I worked all afternoon *pouts* I need a break. I only wanted to jot some things down, if that's OK with some people *makes a face* so I can expound (at length *giggle*) later.
Been thinking about (what else) CB, and how muhc I don't like the current situation. Something
tyg3r said got me thinking. I don't want to go pull the quote, but it was like "Wow you sure want a lot of time from a non-boyfriend." And she's right. I mean we're not even "offically" dating, to use the high school terminology, at least by my standards. We've had what I would consider a "date", per se, but it also could have been "friends", and the only difference is in my feelings for him, as opposed to say kazama or xanyboi. Dinner with either one of them, as an example, is just that. The only difference with CB is that I want more of an emotional tie, and that made our dinner a "date", I guess. Is that a line of thinking I shouldn't be pursueing? Perhaps our terminology isn't meshing? For me "Date" is casual, what you do when you're getting to know someone (especially someone you plan on seeing naked, a lot *evil grin*). If there's something more, perhaps my word is "steady" or "committed" as opposed to "dating" but it COULD be. His idea of "dating" is steady, monogamous "girlfriend" if you will. It's sad that such confusion, in my mind, is caused by terminology meaning two different things to two different people.Fact is - I know what I want, and I won't be satisified until I get it. It's impossible for me to look elsewhere, actively. Don't get me wrong I've seen some nice pieces while out and about. But before meeting CB I actively looked, went out to do just that, although I did not have any hope of meeting anything nice. Now I'm content to stay home and wait on his ass, and I HATE that about me. I put in all this "work" which he hasn't asked me to do, and won't respond to, and I get mad becuase he's not as invested as I am. I understand there is a large amount of "getting over it" i have to do. I'm just not sure I WANT to, and therein lies the crux of the problem. *sigh* I don't give in to anyone, ever, why should I give into common sense?
On top of that, which I feel in the back of my mind at all times, turning over our conversations and trying to glean more information from them, there's work, which has my physically exhausted. I feel like I run and run, on a teeny little wheel, and nothing ever gets done. I've become better with lists, making one today to assure I get everything my boss wants done. Which I should get back to. *sigh* Then I have some other work I should do, and some rebates to fill out.
Oh yes, I got a new cell phone yesterday. *beam* I LOVE it already, although I'm going to miss my bright green "holy CRAP is that the actually color of your phone?" *giggle* This one doesn't have any other faceplates, but that's probably a good thing, seeing as I need to buy new accessories, because the old ones don't fit *grumble* as I found out with the car adaptor. It's not like they aren't the same brand, they're both Kyoceras, it's just my new one is a major upgrade. It has a bigger screen, it's lighter, it is a pretty silver, and it has way more potential. ON top of that, some of the accessories are spiffy, like the cable and software for downloading ringtones, and FINALLY bypassing Verizon Wireless to make my cell phone work with my laptop. Of course, these things aren't out yet *grumble* but I can wait. I think I'm going to put the other faceplates I have for my phone on Ebay, plus the accessories I never used. Hell, maybe I'll see if they want the phone too. I just don't think it'll go, and I should package up the phone, basics only, and give it to the women's thing
dancer had mentioned, for battered women needing cell phones for emergencies. Unless someone else wanted it, maybe I should put M on my plan now, I wouldn't have to buy the phone, or give it to him to use. *shrug* I don't want to spend any more time or money on him, and giving him a cell is asking for trouble (I'm sorry, but it's true, and you know it.)OK, nuff goofing off, I'd like to get hom by 9 or so to wind down. No Goffee for me tonight, I'm not feeling social, I'd like to get up early, and maybe get passport pictures taken, and put in my app. I think my London trip is being pushed to the third week of November, which gives me even more time to prepare, and go to GG without worrying. I'm going to research prices based on different departure dates, and the pros and cons of each, all based on staying at least 7 days.
Ah, the joys of being an accounting geek, I'm actually looking forward to running the analysis *sighs*
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2002-09-12 05:05 pm (UTC)i think maybe let CB come to you next time? see what kind of time he is willing to invest in you?
miss you, girl.
no subject
Date: 2002-09-12 07:21 pm (UTC)This is my phone, it's so deliciously spiffy!
Miss you too, might be dropping into Alchemy in December, my friend's band is playing. But I'll keep you posted. I'm London bound in November, for SURE, so I need to be money careful. *HUGS*
Re:
Date: 2002-09-12 08:58 pm (UTC)december? that's so far away!!
no subject
Date: 2002-09-12 11:17 pm (UTC)And MAYBE it'll be earlier, depends on money, since I'll be saving spending money for London, but Lou will be home on leave, and I want to bring him to NYC for a day or two, so we can go to a sushi place
But i won't know ANYTHING about that, til he gets at least back to base (from Afghanistan *sigh*)
I dunno, anything is possible, Elevendoll has offered me a ride to the City when she visits her family in Jersey, so maybe I'll take her up on it in October, depending on her schedule and mine. That'll save a lot of money, parking wise and travel wise.
Anywhoo, I'm going to go schmoop over your boyfriend's poem some more, then off to bed, we'll chat soon *HUGS*
Re:
Date: 2002-09-16 11:16 am (UTC)