Oh wait

[tiamatlady]

there's more.

CB has held to radio silence for almost a week.
I'm, at this moment anyway, not taking this personally. He said he'd be busy. In accordance with my new decision about him, I'm taking him at his word. His "Um, No I have to study" that's what he meant. Nuff said.

But I've emailed and beeped him, at his OK. "Go ahead and harass me via beeper, no prob." I didn't do it during work hours, or during late evening hours, when I might be waking him up thinking it's an emergency. And the emails were one panicked, one sheepish, one asking for attention, and one clarifying my day so he could reach me.

Which he never did.

*sigh* this whole "adult" thing, sucks! Can't I get all mopey, and cry, and say he doesn't like me, and then cry all over him when he says he does? *sigh* he and I are both so busy, It's not like we're ever going to see each other daily. Can I help it if I want to know when I'm going to see him again, as I'm walking with him? I can wait if I know WHEN the waiting will stop. *kicks rock*

And I'm of two minds about tomorrow. He'll either show up because he MUST blow off some steam, or he won't because he's too busy.

I hate this black and white shit. *sigh*

Comments

[tygerwillow.livejournal.com]

unfortunately he's not obligated to tell you when. :/

to clarify

[tiamatlady]

when I say "wait" I meant as in "We'll get together next weekend, unless we're busy."
as opposed to "I love you, date me and only me."
That one is going to be a surprise, whenever he decides.
But, without the "getting to know you" time I want to spend together (translation - once a week outside of the club, more or less. I'd settle for once every two, IF it was unbreakable) he'll never want that.
*shrug* The dating thing isn't going to happen in his current situation. Living, working, lack of life. The seeing me this weekend thing, THAT shouldn't be such a brain trust.

Now, did that clarify, or did I make things worse *evil grin*?

Re: to clarify

[tygerwillow.livejournal.com]

yeah, that's the sense i meant it in. i know it's frustrating, but it seems like he's firmly placed himself into a position where he has no commitment to you whatsoever -- including not having to reply to your emails or telling you when he can hang out with you.

i'm surprised at the amount of "getting to know you" time that you're asking for. that's about the same amount of time that i spend with my boyfriend. i generally hang out with friends (including potential love interests that don't seem too receptive right now) once a month or so. and cb strikes me as even more busy/reclusive/etc. than i...

Re: to clarify...again

[tiamatlady]

re: "getting to know you" time
His words.
Not Mine.
I already know what I want. Part of that is to spend time with him. (the other parts are naughty and not to be discussed here. Mostly involing leather, and whipped cream, but that's for later. Anyway...)

He does stress the "I have no hold on you" thing. But he does, _I_ have given it already. I totally have no other eyes but for him. He just doesn't want it. It's not his fault, at the moment, he takes things slow, he told me about one ex he didn't even kiss for 3 months. This kind of sounds like that. I honestly would rather have the ups and downs, than do the work it would take to shut off these feelings, to get interested in someone else, only to blow it permanently with him. He's worth the wait, I can feel it. Knowing him and becoming closer to him can only help me grow as a person. I like him very much, what I know of him, and I can't believe, just yet, that there is nothing in store.

Except that I'm all poopy becuase I didn't see him tonight *pout*

I know I'm talking in "wants" but I'd like a partner, and I actually am not being very demanding at all compared to the voice howling in my head about having him under lock and key *grin*