good lord I'm bored
Mar. 29th, 2002 11:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tiamatlady*sigh*
I'm tired, and listless. My horoscope warned me about letting myself feel too without energy. That maybe I can't help it, but I should watch out that I become TOO hermitlike. *whine* But I'm tired. And I feel poopy. But I made myself a box kit of Thai Hot and Sour Soup that was OK. A bit on the hot side than the sour. Plus I needed to see the actual difference between thai and Chinese style. Oh well, there were lots of noodles and they were yummy. And I also bought myself some Chocolate Chai concentrate, so that's now made. But with *gag* skim milk, thanks to that being the only milk in the house. I mean, I think I'm becoming a tad lactose intolerant, but I refuse to give up that which I like in favor of water. Which is pretty much what skim milk is. I tried FitMilk, the 2% that tastes like whole, and I find it acceptable. But it's more expensive, and I LIKE whole milk. I LIKE ice cream. I LOVE cream. When I get coffee that's not black (I like my coffee like I like my men, hot, dark and bitter) It's with loads of sugar and cream. It's either black or dessert. I just can't tolerate all that diet crap. I hate sweeteners that aren't sugar, I can taste the preservatives and it leaves a foul taste in my mouth. Yet I have no problem eating Wendy's. *grin* I know that what has to change in my life/diet is NOT the content of what I'm eating. I'm not going to be miserable while making things different. The key, I think, is FAR more moderation than I'm used to. Wendy's is not an acceptable choice of lunch for EVERY day. Unless I get the chicken I had today and a side salad instead of fries. If I dropped fast food from my diet, mostly, but still allowed myself the occasional burger, I'd be much happier, and be more accepting of other changes. I want to be able to dance all night. And changing this butt is NOT going to be overnight. This is gonna take several years, to lose, not necessarily weight, but inches. That surgery my sister had scares me, especially all the problems she has thanks to her short sighted doctor, who didn't get her the therapy and help she should have gone through BEFORE the surgery. She may have changed WHAT she eats, because of the surgery, but she hasn't changed ANYTHING else, especially the WAY she eats. I believe she calls it "dumping" and it happens almost every time because she wolfs her food. You'd think she'd learn. He never even made her TRY to lose weight, they both just went for the quick fix. it's major fucking surgery! She had part of her stomach cut out, she can't have sugar and other things because she can NO LONGER digest them. Sure, she's losing weight, but I can't fathom that this isn't going to cause her problems. It can't just be to drop weight, it's got to be to be healthy. I think she'll be thin and unhealthy, no stamina, no power. I don't necessarily need to be thin, I'd like to be a little less round, but I want to be strong, have "wind". I'm comfortable with how I look, but I know I'm cruising for health problems.
*disclaimer* I don't dispel the usefulness of that particular surgery. I've read some of what Carnie Wilson went though, and I think SHE was more than justified. She'd tried, REALLY tried, and was unable to keep her weight off. She was miserable and at her wits end. My sister wanted to keep her boyfriend or find herself a new one. Seriously, that was her reasoning. She'll tell you herself, exactly that. And like I said, she's changed NOTHING else about herself, went for the quick fix. It's not for me, not unless I try, through diet change and exercise, and Can NOT get the weight off. As in, exercise, diet like a madwoman, and stay the SAME. Which is impossible. I'm looking down on my sister here, and I can because I can't COUNT anymore the number of times I've almost hurled listening to her in the bathroom *shudder*
I need to join a gym. There's a new one opening where a Shaw's used to be practically around the corner. I just have energy at odd times. I want to be able to go on the treadmill at 10 AM or 8 PM, or hell, 2 in the morning. *sigh* I'm sure they won't be open that late, but I don't want to be in the gym the same time as the peasants *LOL* I don't like walking outside, I need to be more stimulated. A walk outside is to think and focus, NOT to exercise. Like the office is WORK, and how I can't do my best work sitting at the desk I use for surfing. The treadmill is for EXCERCISE. The outside is for settling down after. besides, I want air conditioned comfort *lol*
And maybe I can. I got my Insurance renewal page today, where they detail what you've got on your policy and how much it costs, and my insurance dropped an astounding amount from last year, like about $500. Nothing different, except I finally hit stop 9, thanks to not getting my license until at 23. I'm psyched. I thought it would be at LEAST $300 more than it is. I can pay this off. Like NOW. *boing*
Oh my GAWD the chocolate Chai is AWESOME. I can't wait to try it with REAL milk. Plus I've found another yogurt I actually like. I'm stunned. Normally yogurt is nasty, usually because of the sweeteners. And, unsurprisingly, I like the ones with some fat content. *lol* So my favorite is Yoplait's Custard style. And I've been meaning to try the Whipped *giggle* kind, as suggested by myBunniDaddy but it's always sold out. Good sign? probably. So I bought the Dannon LaCreme, the one with the commercial with the naughty french maid, and it's GOOD stuff. The best thing is that it's small enough that I get the taste, and get full, but don't go overboard, or OD on it. I've overindulged in yogurt before. *shudder* NOT pretty. I've been using, especially the LaCreme, in place of ice cream, when I need something sweet. I love the vanilla, and last time I also got the Dulche le Leche and it's surprisingly yummy. I'm gonna TRY the berried ones, but I'm not too fond of berries.
Argh, I did something to my Yahoo account, while screwing with stupid new groups, and I think I fragged my POP access early. Stupid freaking Yahoo.
You know what, I don't think I'm paying for it. I'd rather pay someone else. I'm looking for POP access, and I can manually forward Yahoo mail, and send my list mail there. *sigh* Yeah, I'm paying for it, I suppose. Grrrrr. Someone give me some other idea?
It'd better be able to see my Ranger at DragonCon. He told me last night they're going BACK on alert, for another 3 months, and I'm afraid he might get sent somewhere hot and full of bullets again. Poor baby. At least he's getting a refund, I have to mail out the stuff tomorrow.
I'm amazed about something. A couple of years ago I handled a situation, not badly, but not well. I felt too much. I'm surprised at how much better I can handle something like that now. I'm still obsessing *lol* but I'm better about it, that I'm not full of "MUST HAVE NOW" I may get what I want this time. Maybe. Long shot. We'll see. I'm far more comfortable with the idea than I was. I don't NEED as badly. Growing up? maybe, or maybe I've become more jaded. *shrug* I don't think I'm Jaded. perhaps wiser. Not completely, I still get involved where I shouldn't *grin* but better.
I'm off to bed, to try and get up early tomorrow. I need to be in the office early. AH CRAP. Strike that, shower THEN bed, I won't have time in the morning.
I'm tired, and listless. My horoscope warned me about letting myself feel too without energy. That maybe I can't help it, but I should watch out that I become TOO hermitlike. *whine* But I'm tired. And I feel poopy. But I made myself a box kit of Thai Hot and Sour Soup that was OK. A bit on the hot side than the sour. Plus I needed to see the actual difference between thai and Chinese style. Oh well, there were lots of noodles and they were yummy. And I also bought myself some Chocolate Chai concentrate, so that's now made. But with *gag* skim milk, thanks to that being the only milk in the house. I mean, I think I'm becoming a tad lactose intolerant, but I refuse to give up that which I like in favor of water. Which is pretty much what skim milk is. I tried FitMilk, the 2% that tastes like whole, and I find it acceptable. But it's more expensive, and I LIKE whole milk. I LIKE ice cream. I LOVE cream. When I get coffee that's not black (I like my coffee like I like my men, hot, dark and bitter) It's with loads of sugar and cream. It's either black or dessert. I just can't tolerate all that diet crap. I hate sweeteners that aren't sugar, I can taste the preservatives and it leaves a foul taste in my mouth. Yet I have no problem eating Wendy's. *grin* I know that what has to change in my life/diet is NOT the content of what I'm eating. I'm not going to be miserable while making things different. The key, I think, is FAR more moderation than I'm used to. Wendy's is not an acceptable choice of lunch for EVERY day. Unless I get the chicken I had today and a side salad instead of fries. If I dropped fast food from my diet, mostly, but still allowed myself the occasional burger, I'd be much happier, and be more accepting of other changes. I want to be able to dance all night. And changing this butt is NOT going to be overnight. This is gonna take several years, to lose, not necessarily weight, but inches. That surgery my sister had scares me, especially all the problems she has thanks to her short sighted doctor, who didn't get her the therapy and help she should have gone through BEFORE the surgery. She may have changed WHAT she eats, because of the surgery, but she hasn't changed ANYTHING else, especially the WAY she eats. I believe she calls it "dumping" and it happens almost every time because she wolfs her food. You'd think she'd learn. He never even made her TRY to lose weight, they both just went for the quick fix. it's major fucking surgery! She had part of her stomach cut out, she can't have sugar and other things because she can NO LONGER digest them. Sure, she's losing weight, but I can't fathom that this isn't going to cause her problems. It can't just be to drop weight, it's got to be to be healthy. I think she'll be thin and unhealthy, no stamina, no power. I don't necessarily need to be thin, I'd like to be a little less round, but I want to be strong, have "wind". I'm comfortable with how I look, but I know I'm cruising for health problems.
*disclaimer* I don't dispel the usefulness of that particular surgery. I've read some of what Carnie Wilson went though, and I think SHE was more than justified. She'd tried, REALLY tried, and was unable to keep her weight off. She was miserable and at her wits end. My sister wanted to keep her boyfriend or find herself a new one. Seriously, that was her reasoning. She'll tell you herself, exactly that. And like I said, she's changed NOTHING else about herself, went for the quick fix. It's not for me, not unless I try, through diet change and exercise, and Can NOT get the weight off. As in, exercise, diet like a madwoman, and stay the SAME. Which is impossible. I'm looking down on my sister here, and I can because I can't COUNT anymore the number of times I've almost hurled listening to her in the bathroom *shudder*
I need to join a gym. There's a new one opening where a Shaw's used to be practically around the corner. I just have energy at odd times. I want to be able to go on the treadmill at 10 AM or 8 PM, or hell, 2 in the morning. *sigh* I'm sure they won't be open that late, but I don't want to be in the gym the same time as the peasants *LOL* I don't like walking outside, I need to be more stimulated. A walk outside is to think and focus, NOT to exercise. Like the office is WORK, and how I can't do my best work sitting at the desk I use for surfing. The treadmill is for EXCERCISE. The outside is for settling down after. besides, I want air conditioned comfort *lol*
And maybe I can. I got my Insurance renewal page today, where they detail what you've got on your policy and how much it costs, and my insurance dropped an astounding amount from last year, like about $500. Nothing different, except I finally hit stop 9, thanks to not getting my license until at 23. I'm psyched. I thought it would be at LEAST $300 more than it is. I can pay this off. Like NOW. *boing*
Oh my GAWD the chocolate Chai is AWESOME. I can't wait to try it with REAL milk. Plus I've found another yogurt I actually like. I'm stunned. Normally yogurt is nasty, usually because of the sweeteners. And, unsurprisingly, I like the ones with some fat content. *lol* So my favorite is Yoplait's Custard style. And I've been meaning to try the Whipped *giggle* kind, as suggested by myBunniDaddy but it's always sold out. Good sign? probably. So I bought the Dannon LaCreme, the one with the commercial with the naughty french maid, and it's GOOD stuff. The best thing is that it's small enough that I get the taste, and get full, but don't go overboard, or OD on it. I've overindulged in yogurt before. *shudder* NOT pretty. I've been using, especially the LaCreme, in place of ice cream, when I need something sweet. I love the vanilla, and last time I also got the Dulche le Leche and it's surprisingly yummy. I'm gonna TRY the berried ones, but I'm not too fond of berries.
Argh, I did something to my Yahoo account, while screwing with stupid new groups, and I think I fragged my POP access early. Stupid freaking Yahoo.
You know what, I don't think I'm paying for it. I'd rather pay someone else. I'm looking for POP access, and I can manually forward Yahoo mail, and send my list mail there. *sigh* Yeah, I'm paying for it, I suppose. Grrrrr. Someone give me some other idea?
It'd better be able to see my Ranger at DragonCon. He told me last night they're going BACK on alert, for another 3 months, and I'm afraid he might get sent somewhere hot and full of bullets again. Poor baby. At least he's getting a refund, I have to mail out the stuff tomorrow.
I'm amazed about something. A couple of years ago I handled a situation, not badly, but not well. I felt too much. I'm surprised at how much better I can handle something like that now. I'm still obsessing *lol* but I'm better about it, that I'm not full of "MUST HAVE NOW" I may get what I want this time. Maybe. Long shot. We'll see. I'm far more comfortable with the idea than I was. I don't NEED as badly. Growing up? maybe, or maybe I've become more jaded. *shrug* I don't think I'm Jaded. perhaps wiser. Not completely, I still get involved where I shouldn't *grin* but better.
I'm off to bed, to try and get up early tomorrow. I need to be in the office early. AH CRAP. Strike that, shower THEN bed, I won't have time in the morning.
