Tiamatlady (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
tiamatlady) wrote2002-01-28 08:45 am
tiamatlady) wrote2002-01-28 08:45 am
Well this sucks
Even after doing a hella lot of nothing yesterday, I'm sick. Looks like the cold that's been going around has settled in my chest.
My schedule for today does not include sleep:
1) Bookkeeping from 9 to 12 or 1.
2) Stoughton from whenever that ends til about 6.
3) New client near Porter Square from 7 til whenever.
At least I know enough to not plan a visit in that area at the same time. At least NOW I know. Sad pathetic state of affairs. You couldn't pay me to check on that state of mind. I still have a hard time believing it.
Seriously, the whole "poly" thing, I've had enough. Next time someone tells me that they are "poly" I'm running in the other direction. It causes NOTHING but problems, and ends up making one look entirely stupid. Marcus is right, "I'm SO glad you've conquered the whole relationship thing, and you're SO good at it you can do it with more than one person at once. Bravo." Considering the hierarchy, and how I _Need_ to be number one, I can't fathom how it would work. I'm done being someone's last. If you can't put me first, you are NOT worth my time. Even playing with someone has now become circumspect. I won't put up with some insecure creature telling me WHEN I can see whom _I_ want to.
This whole last week cost me MY self respect and self esteem. And it STOPS here.
Cost me someone who would have been a friend, someone who was there for me as much as he could have been, but faced with my current attitude, the radio silence will continue. And all I have left is this attitude. I don't feel anything else. *sigh*
I'm going to be late.
My schedule for today does not include sleep:
1) Bookkeeping from 9 to 12 or 1.
2) Stoughton from whenever that ends til about 6.
3) New client near Porter Square from 7 til whenever.
At least I know enough to not plan a visit in that area at the same time. At least NOW I know. Sad pathetic state of affairs. You couldn't pay me to check on that state of mind. I still have a hard time believing it.
Seriously, the whole "poly" thing, I've had enough. Next time someone tells me that they are "poly" I'm running in the other direction. It causes NOTHING but problems, and ends up making one look entirely stupid. Marcus is right, "I'm SO glad you've conquered the whole relationship thing, and you're SO good at it you can do it with more than one person at once. Bravo." Considering the hierarchy, and how I _Need_ to be number one, I can't fathom how it would work. I'm done being someone's last. If you can't put me first, you are NOT worth my time. Even playing with someone has now become circumspect. I won't put up with some insecure creature telling me WHEN I can see whom _I_ want to.
This whole last week cost me MY self respect and self esteem. And it STOPS here.
Cost me someone who would have been a friend, someone who was there for me as much as he could have been, but faced with my current attitude, the radio silence will continue. And all I have left is this attitude. I don't feel anything else. *sigh*
I'm going to be late.