Well, I'm glad that I can provide you with a source of amusement. That's what friends are for, right?

Assuming I find a smoking jacket, I'd also need an ascot--and I mean a real one, not one of those clip-on things they have in tuxedo shops. That clip on ascots exist is appalling. I mean, the tying of an ascot is less involved than that of a necktie for Christ's sake! Crap, I'm ranting about fashion again.

The bubble pipe could be fun, though I'd no doubt end up with lungfulls of soap. I'd be more tempted, perhaps, to go with a liccorice pipe.

And bring on the women! I'm all for that.