Tiamatlady (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
tiamatlady) wrote2004-05-06 06:26 pm
tiamatlady) wrote2004-05-06 06:26 pm
See, this is how it should be!
I'm sitting in the nice quiet office. Radio IO 80's is playing. I'd rather have the TV on, but there is no TV, but *shrugs* I have work to do that I don't mind doing and I'm motivated, between LJ and email checks. I feel I can get it all done. The A/C is on, I'm cooled down and in a productive mood. Noone is bitching at me.
Earlier, the office was a suana. The A/C was set to 80+ (meaning only when it hit above 80+ would it kick in, and then only cool it to 80+. Believe me, it sucks.) It's now set to about 72, which means it cools to below 72 then kicks in again when it gets above. The other guy thought it was "fine" I think this is the problem I have with offices - no fresh air and no regulation of temp. You ALWAYS have to have it how the whiney person or the boss wants it. This is too cold for my boss. Her ideal temp makes me feel that I'm living in a, well, Sauna. I fall asleep, and can't concentrate.
I want to own my two bedroom condo. I actually want that setup I discussed with Constantine last night - first floor office, complete with conference room, my office, secretary's desk and places for hired help to work, along with a full kitchen and public bath. On the 2nd floor + living quarters, my own living room, and bedroom, and study. I could roll downstairs and be in "work" mode AND I could do things like work an hour, instead of having to trek all the way to some distant office. I can work at all hours, if can't sleep or overslept I can still put in 8 hours. Or more.
If I get the two bedroom I can do the same thing, have a "work" space and a "relax" space. I lack that SO MUCH right now. My computer space is just cluttered, I don't feel I can productively work there, and if I move to the bed and laptop, I get confused, physically. After all, the bed is "sleep" space.
*sighs* I don't know how to break out of this, short of moving. Maybe I should. *sighs again* As much as I want this trip, I feel that it's not a good idea, for me on the home front. The Unit is being hostile, and I think the trip is behind it. I'm behind with all my personal packing and de-cluttering and having to work my ass off now isn't helping.
And, let's face it, I don't have the space. All my ideas have me spreading out, sorting, reorganizing, and starting from scratch. I can't deal with halfway. I want to gut my room, repaint and just Begin Again. And I can't. My timetable for that intersects the Unit, and THAT's stress I don't need.
Seriously, I think the deep seeded problem is that I CONSTANTLY defer to what's best for someone else, instead of what's best for me. My mother says I use her. Yet, I can't watch TV in the living room, I can't be active during the times I AM, since it bothers her sleep schedule, I can't bring my own food into the house and cook, because it uses her things (which she doesn't want me to use) and makes a mess of HER kitchen, and generally inconveniences her.
I wonder, would I really change if I got away from her? I DID get used to a few things in my own apartment, but I still was forced to defer MY best interests in favor of HairBoy's (since he was the Master Blaster of all guilt trips. Moving out was the BEST choice. He also used to threaten me with the landlord. As in they were buddies. I hope he got screwed when the landlord realized the problem was NOT me, as he attessted, but HIM when the problems continued when I moved out. Asshat.)
geez, imagine having a place of my own in my colors, with all of my things in their places, my food in my fridge, my mess in the sink, and MY things in the bathroom, instead of in my room, since it inconveniences her to have my things stored in HER areas. Being able to work at 2AM, becuase I'm awake, in my work room.
I hate roommate situations. Going back to one permanently will never happen. This will be MY place to ruin or resolve as I see fit.
Again = back to perpetual waiting. I need to break this cycle. Starting with getting back to work.
Earlier, the office was a suana. The A/C was set to 80+ (meaning only when it hit above 80+ would it kick in, and then only cool it to 80+. Believe me, it sucks.) It's now set to about 72, which means it cools to below 72 then kicks in again when it gets above. The other guy thought it was "fine" I think this is the problem I have with offices - no fresh air and no regulation of temp. You ALWAYS have to have it how the whiney person or the boss wants it. This is too cold for my boss. Her ideal temp makes me feel that I'm living in a, well, Sauna. I fall asleep, and can't concentrate.
I want to own my two bedroom condo. I actually want that setup I discussed with Constantine last night - first floor office, complete with conference room, my office, secretary's desk and places for hired help to work, along with a full kitchen and public bath. On the 2nd floor + living quarters, my own living room, and bedroom, and study. I could roll downstairs and be in "work" mode AND I could do things like work an hour, instead of having to trek all the way to some distant office. I can work at all hours, if can't sleep or overslept I can still put in 8 hours. Or more.
If I get the two bedroom I can do the same thing, have a "work" space and a "relax" space. I lack that SO MUCH right now. My computer space is just cluttered, I don't feel I can productively work there, and if I move to the bed and laptop, I get confused, physically. After all, the bed is "sleep" space.
*sighs* I don't know how to break out of this, short of moving. Maybe I should. *sighs again* As much as I want this trip, I feel that it's not a good idea, for me on the home front. The Unit is being hostile, and I think the trip is behind it. I'm behind with all my personal packing and de-cluttering and having to work my ass off now isn't helping.
And, let's face it, I don't have the space. All my ideas have me spreading out, sorting, reorganizing, and starting from scratch. I can't deal with halfway. I want to gut my room, repaint and just Begin Again. And I can't. My timetable for that intersects the Unit, and THAT's stress I don't need.
Seriously, I think the deep seeded problem is that I CONSTANTLY defer to what's best for someone else, instead of what's best for me. My mother says I use her. Yet, I can't watch TV in the living room, I can't be active during the times I AM, since it bothers her sleep schedule, I can't bring my own food into the house and cook, because it uses her things (which she doesn't want me to use) and makes a mess of HER kitchen, and generally inconveniences her.
I wonder, would I really change if I got away from her? I DID get used to a few things in my own apartment, but I still was forced to defer MY best interests in favor of HairBoy's (since he was the Master Blaster of all guilt trips. Moving out was the BEST choice. He also used to threaten me with the landlord. As in they were buddies. I hope he got screwed when the landlord realized the problem was NOT me, as he attessted, but HIM when the problems continued when I moved out. Asshat.)
geez, imagine having a place of my own in my colors, with all of my things in their places, my food in my fridge, my mess in the sink, and MY things in the bathroom, instead of in my room, since it inconveniences her to have my things stored in HER areas. Being able to work at 2AM, becuase I'm awake, in my work room.
I hate roommate situations. Going back to one permanently will never happen. This will be MY place to ruin or resolve as I see fit.
Again = back to perpetual waiting. I need to break this cycle. Starting with getting back to work.