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tiamatladySeriously - my family is fucked up!
Let me just start with I got home, about 2, after a nice long chat with a friend, which let me get some stuff out, and realize what is/is not under my jurisdiction. I pick up some crap to eat (BK - you tell ME what I'm eating) and head home to find the UNit NOT dying in bed. Hey great. I decide to eat, then head out to CPA #2. JUST as I finish, the Unit comes in, with BOTH my nephew and my step-niece, I guess you call her. Fat Ass Boyfriend's daughter, whom I feel sorry for since she acts out because she KNOWS noone wants her. But when she's here in practice, instead of in theory, she is a TOTAL pain in the ass and brat. Anyway, they're all over each other, and my mother is alternately complaining and bitching and saying "I'm dizzy" (which I'm finding irritating, since she never DID fall over, and that stopped once she had to break up some kid scuffles.) THEN my sister waltzes in. Seems that my paternal Grandmother died a few days ago,
and the recent days have been the wake, and today the funeral. Now, IF I was close to the woman, AND my father wasn't Scum of the Earth (patent pending) I'd feel bad, and probably have tried to attend. But, as usual, with that side of the family, I am an afterthought, and even my mother treated it like a PS ("Oh, by the way your grandmother died." I IMMEDIATELY thought she meant her mom - since that's the only grandmother I have. I have a GrandMA, but she's my grandfather's second wife, so my mother would have said "Barbara died." I should have known since my mother would have addressed HER Mother as "Nana" to me. The weetle imp in my is going to go back to calling her Grandmother Brown, as I used to before she literally threw a hissie and insisted on being called "nana" I mean we're talking the Ye Olde English "Oh, GRANDmother, might I have another Scone?" *evil grin* yes, I'm aware I suck.)
Anyway she attends the funeral and goes on about family stuff. And between her, my mother, and the kids, I basically ended up IN BED. I felt ALL LIFE sucked clean from the marrow of my increasingly brittle bones (as the commercials tell me, I'd better start taking whatever pill they're advertising *sighs*) I don't know how it was HUMANLY possible for me to feel exhausted just listening to them. I was prone until they ALL left. By then - 7PM. So, I've juggled my schedule to give him a full day Sunday. Which means if I have another boo rattling episode, well OK I can't. Period.
Something turned my "eh" mood, into a downer. Perhaps it was talking about my albetross. How can someone who does NOTHING but pull me in all directions call me "best friend"? I mean honestly, it feels like yet another attempt into manipulating me into doing what THEY want.
And then there's the rampant back biting. Although it's nice to know that when I get told "Your behaviour is out of line and we don't want to deal with it." I can say "oh yeah? You're worse, you twofaced, back-biting bitches. AND then there's confirmation that some people just plain suck.
The serious urge to have my own place. The fear that I'll never leave it
The fear that I'll NEVER want to go out again.
The fear that I'll alienate all my friends before I become "normal" and my being pissed off at them for not getting it (not everyone. Some have gone out of their way to assure me they get it. But that means just leaving me alone, which sometimes, isn't what I need.)
The realization that no matter WHAT some people say, their other friends are "better" than me, and will always be shafted for them. Same person who complains that everyone abandons them. Odd how that one works, eh?
I really, really, REALLY should abandon this thing until April. I'm getting maudlin, but it feels like my only outlet, since every time I reach out for comfort, I get "Oh honey, I know you're busy, and I'm doing *blah*" Heaven forbid _I_ need comfort for once.
I'm going to bed. I had pizza and Cinnesticks. they were pretty damn spiffy, although they knocked around my sore tooth.
Let me just start with I got home, about 2, after a nice long chat with a friend, which let me get some stuff out, and realize what is/is not under my jurisdiction. I pick up some crap to eat (BK - you tell ME what I'm eating) and head home to find the UNit NOT dying in bed. Hey great. I decide to eat, then head out to CPA #2. JUST as I finish, the Unit comes in, with BOTH my nephew and my step-niece, I guess you call her. Fat Ass Boyfriend's daughter, whom I feel sorry for since she acts out because she KNOWS noone wants her. But when she's here in practice, instead of in theory, she is a TOTAL pain in the ass and brat. Anyway, they're all over each other, and my mother is alternately complaining and bitching and saying "I'm dizzy" (which I'm finding irritating, since she never DID fall over, and that stopped once she had to break up some kid scuffles.) THEN my sister waltzes in. Seems that my paternal Grandmother died a few days ago,
and the recent days have been the wake, and today the funeral. Now, IF I was close to the woman, AND my father wasn't Scum of the Earth (patent pending) I'd feel bad, and probably have tried to attend. But, as usual, with that side of the family, I am an afterthought, and even my mother treated it like a PS ("Oh, by the way your grandmother died." I IMMEDIATELY thought she meant her mom - since that's the only grandmother I have. I have a GrandMA, but she's my grandfather's second wife, so my mother would have said "Barbara died." I should have known since my mother would have addressed HER Mother as "Nana" to me. The weetle imp in my is going to go back to calling her Grandmother Brown, as I used to before she literally threw a hissie and insisted on being called "nana" I mean we're talking the Ye Olde English "Oh, GRANDmother, might I have another Scone?" *evil grin* yes, I'm aware I suck.)
Anyway she attends the funeral and goes on about family stuff. And between her, my mother, and the kids, I basically ended up IN BED. I felt ALL LIFE sucked clean from the marrow of my increasingly brittle bones (as the commercials tell me, I'd better start taking whatever pill they're advertising *sighs*) I don't know how it was HUMANLY possible for me to feel exhausted just listening to them. I was prone until they ALL left. By then - 7PM. So, I've juggled my schedule to give him a full day Sunday. Which means if I have another boo rattling episode, well OK I can't. Period.
Something turned my "eh" mood, into a downer. Perhaps it was talking about my albetross. How can someone who does NOTHING but pull me in all directions call me "best friend"? I mean honestly, it feels like yet another attempt into manipulating me into doing what THEY want.
And then there's the rampant back biting. Although it's nice to know that when I get told "Your behaviour is out of line and we don't want to deal with it." I can say "oh yeah? You're worse, you twofaced, back-biting bitches. AND then there's confirmation that some people just plain suck.
The serious urge to have my own place. The fear that I'll never leave it
The fear that I'll NEVER want to go out again.
The fear that I'll alienate all my friends before I become "normal" and my being pissed off at them for not getting it (not everyone. Some have gone out of their way to assure me they get it. But that means just leaving me alone, which sometimes, isn't what I need.)
The realization that no matter WHAT some people say, their other friends are "better" than me, and will always be shafted for them. Same person who complains that everyone abandons them. Odd how that one works, eh?
I really, really, REALLY should abandon this thing until April. I'm getting maudlin, but it feels like my only outlet, since every time I reach out for comfort, I get "Oh honey, I know you're busy, and I'm doing *blah*" Heaven forbid _I_ need comfort for once.
I'm going to bed. I had pizza and Cinnesticks. they were pretty damn spiffy, although they knocked around my sore tooth.
