*sighs*

I think I realize what MIGHT be a contributing factor to my bouts of unhappiness.
No matter HOW much fun I have, there's a "something" looming over me.
I know some of you have that going on too, how when you go to work you have "THAT project" or that boss or whatever waiting for you.
I have things that I just can't find the time to do. I feel like I work all the time, yet I still have projects to do. I wonder how much my "working feeling" is due to TOO many projects on the burner? Too many things going on.

I feel I should shut down, make a list, do ONE thing at a time til it's done then move on. Not a bad thing to do. I'm not in a job where I come home with mental capacity to spare. I WISH I worked at an office where I could carve a lunch hour out to do little things. I'm thinking this is the way I'm going to go.

Right now, however, I have too much going on. Thinking of just walking out of one job. MAN would that fix things. It might, however, leave me floundering moneywise. I hate going in, I hate them. I think my WHOLE outlook would be better.

Today was lots of fun. I'm not even worried about the money I spent. However the ride home was depressing, because, instead of playing with my new beads, I had to work. I don't have time to do anything "fun" for a long while. I have other things I have to do with my Sundays. I think I might have to just stay in the house from now on, on Sunday. The fun isn't worth the bone crushing guilt and anxiety.

Feh.

One thing at a time. And right now that thing is GGundam, water (which I haven't had enough of today) and sleep.

Indeed (food adventure)

Oatmeal with French Vanilla yogurt mixed in does INDEED taste like oatmeal with French Vanilla yogurt mixed in.
Like Yogurt. NOT like milky French Vanilla.
We shall not be doing that again, and the yogurt is getting dumped later today.

I need to cancel on one of my clients. I have a lot to do. CPA # 2 won't be pleased. *sighs* But I'm NOT going to get to my client before 1. I doubt I'm making CPA #2 tonight. Can't make it tomorrow either. And yes I feel like that's my failure for not getting up at 6AM. *sighs* Eh, I should stop complaining. It's mostly a traffic thing. As in I don't want to sit in it. But it's a far less frightening thing in the new ride.

Eh, OK just reading/writing this I can see the whining needs to stop and the action needs to happen. Tomorrow I have a light schedule. I can get up at a time my body decides is good. I can go to my client and get stuff done (and get paid whoo and hoo!) then come home and get more stuff done, then out to my evening client where stuff might come to a grinding halt. I just NEED to get this all done. Wednesday will be difficult. I NEED to get up early and make it to CPA #1 early so I can leave at about 7, so I can go to MR. There will be people there. I feel the need to have SOME fun. I want to sit, maybe dance, have a drinkie, and take a break.

So I need to earn it. I suppose it will be quiet here for a while.

*boing*

Seriously, did I just volunteer to do something ELSE????
GAH - this is why I don't want responsibility - I'm expected to tak eon higher functions, but then can't actually DO MY JOB. Basically they want me to do it half way, so they can blame me when it doesn't go right.

The word, people, is asshattery.

ARGH!

And I can't seem to get any time for myself to save my life. I called CPA #2 in an attempt to get OUT of working tonight and didn't get out of it. Have a project. MIGHT stop at my house to get some paperwork, so I can do it at the office. IF I leave soon, which means traffic up the wazoo. (As opposed to Yazoo, but we're not back in the 80's yet.)

*sighs* will be late night tonight. AT least I can sleep tomorrow, especially if I can get the paperwork done tonight.

Don't know how much more of this I can take. I'm realizing that I'm being PLAYED with my feelings of "I can't get up" guilt. How is it that a person here all day can't get something to me, but it's actually MY fault it's not done? Guess what, it's not. I should just leave soon. Instead of waiting for the item.

Gah. Even.