Oi

So El is persistent in her "let's do *SOMETHING*" tonight.
My protestations of "I don't want to" are going unheeded.

On one hand I feel like an ass, I mean where is my energy?
On the other hand:
- I've had a busy week
- I have a busy next week
- as of Midnight, tax season officially begins. Which means my life is even less my own
- while I love her, I don't want to spend ALL WEEKEND with her Which is what happened LAST time we had a thing. We went out, and she stayed over and they almost didn't want to go home. By the time she did, my mother had come home, and I hadn't had ANY time to myself, to clean up the kitchen, which I wanted to. I had been encouraging her to GO HOME all day. But she gets busy then reappears with the "stuck up Tia's butt because she's FUN!" phase.

I am heartily sick of being someone's good time. I think I see where CB's head might have been (not that he isn't a dink, but that's MORE than just this.)

My plan is to take today to futz around. To clean up, to organize my new crafty items. This might mean a cheap (and I DO MEAN CHEAP) trip to Michael's for some bead organizers, since my beads have overflowed what I have for them.

I also want to get rid of some books, I might set up my laptop, and make a list of all the hardcovers I'm looking to get rid of, and the other books I found cleaning out boxes. I also want to do some rearranging of items, to easier find things and maneuver.

I doubt, that unless these things get done today, they will get done at all. I don't think I should have to give UP what I want, no, need, to do, to go out somewhere I don't want to go and be someone's entertainment.

It's my last trip to England all over again. I spent a lot of this morning brooding about D, and her pissyiness at me "ruining" her vacation. By expecting her to find her OWN FUN on some occasions. By leaving her alone for less than 24 hours in a Giant City with tons of museums, and expecting her to find Something, ANYTHING, to do. Oh, I also insisted on trying to meet a new friend, which she made it impossible to do, I went out to a Goth night she didn't want to go to, but I wasn't around to go and hang at the bar with her at the hotel, and I pooped out on climbing a GIANT HILL due to serious knee pain, oh and the getting to the airport. AND I didn't foresee that the guy in back of her on the flight to Boston would be poking her in the back through the seat (the hardback seat mind you) and didn't offer to switch with her BEFORE she got annoyed. When I DID offer to switch I was snarled at. I would have HAPPILY switched to shut her UP!

*deep breath*

I'm going to go make a cup of Podfee, and make some toast. I feel bad, but not worse that I would if I went out, wasted my time, and was miserable. I don't have the skill today to make ANYONE happy. I don't have any pithy advice, I don't have any energy to pick someone else out of the doldrums today. I'm in my own, and I can't be there to help anyone else.

First coffee. then the rest of the world.

See THIS is why I have to stay in

I just tipped over my coffee cup.
It wasn't bad, I caught it. But some spilled.
Onto my desk, all over the jewelry that was here, all over the papers that were here, and onto the books and stuff on the floor.
I want to straighten up. I want to find places for everything, that ISN'T underfoot so I can try and return these things to them during the Season so they won't be underfoot, with me spilling things all over the place.

(*pauses to dig out chocolate*)

Right. My decision is final and a good one. I have things to get done. My chain broke on my ankh last night (I have NO idea how that happened!) and I have a length of link chain I'm going to cut into the right size til I find a sterling silver box chain, and when I can afford it.

I got just the reply from El - I feel even worse because she understands. She just doesn't want to stay in. And I understand that. I just can't be someone's only outlet. And I can't have someone be MY only outlet. Perhaps this is the reason I don't have anyone around - I'm not needy (*ahem* and CRAZY!) enough for the stragglers, nor am I independent enough, in the beginning, for the independent ones. (There's a period of NRE I think everyone should go through)

If I want to go to a craft store for storage I need to go soon. Maybe I'll just try and find something at Building 19 tomorrow. There's a food prep scale on sale there, one that has a large bowl, and they'll have other little bowls and stuff. And it'll be cheaper than the craft store.

OK one thing out of the way *grins*
*sighs* I hate waiting. I feel like I've been waiting, far too long. I think that's gonna stop,

I feel much better

I've gotten some things done. My cleaning fit was interrupted by Teh Unit's arrival and subsequent hanging out for the afternoon. S'ok, I picked up the few things in the kitchen that were bugging me, washed the cover for the wastebasket (which was EWWWW!) and will be running the dishwasher shortly. Now I can continue on with that, and I have room to dye my hair, which also will be happening shortly.

While waiting for Teh Unit to do what she was gonna do, I cleaned out and re-org-ed my beading and cross stitch supplies, hoops, thread, and all the beads. I also decided on how long I'd actually like the chain I had in the beadbox, fit it with jump rings and a (better) clasp, and cut the chain, which is now holding my ankh happily on my neck. Hopefully someone will show me how to fix it - it's a box chain and it appears to be missing a link. Otherwise it's a nice chain.

I also feel good after a chat with Bret. HE'S not feeling it tonight either. He didn't sleep well last night, and is quite content to stay in alone. I KNEW there was something off about this year - and I'm not the only one. He and I, at the very least, will be out IN FULL FORCE tomorrow night. I'm going to persuade El and KA into coming too. Getting our New Year's freak on.

Now I just have to decide what to do. I really want to order something decadent to eat, I might spring for the REALLY nummy Chinese place, with the handmade Raviolis, before I can't have them again, and the yummy beef, and General Gao's. I should call and see when they're open til. Teh Unit gave me an Xmas check, which is more than I was expecting, pays a bill in advance of my next paycheck, and puts me firmly ahead, and able to deal with a couple of other things. I don't WANT to take it, but fact is I need it.

I might also do some online shopping for crafty items, so I can stay OUT of the confusing stores, and just get what I want without overshopping. I need a Beading for Dummies book, which is out supposedly. I might just work on a cross stitch project tonight.

but first, dye my hair, call the Chinese place. Then there will be cleaning.