Words can't express

just how much things are out of balance.
Probably going to be firing off more warning shots, that will go ignored, until I blast someone who will then say "well _I_ didn't know you were upset." *rolls eyes*
I don't think I'm making it out anytime soon. The bitch on the Cape wants extra days. I have work I haven't done yet, I have to get some stuff done for Monday, and will probably start getting calls regarding other clients I haven't been seeing. I need some time to work out my schedule, and yet, can't find it.

Here's the scary one - I'm exhausted. I'm unable to work because my head just can't do any more tonight.
And I can't sleep. I'm not even remotely ready for bed. And I want to get up early.
I've had to cancel a couple of things, beg forgiveness and put things off.

I'm tired of the overemotional upheaval. I'm tired of finding my footing and SOMETHING pulling the rug out from underneath me.
I'm quite done with being kicked. If you do any kicking, I WILL be kicking back, and I don't pull my punches.

There is ONE thing I'd like to do, in about 2 weeks. There just might be hell to pay if I can't. As in quitting, and walking out, and NEVER looking back.

Hmmmm

I had returned an email to D earlier that said "*Cape Boss's Name* Is trying to kill me." And honestly, I think she is.

Here's the thing - Yesterday I felt overwhelmed. Like an imp was stealing my breath. That I wasn't going to survive the Season, that I had tons of work on me, that I couldn't bear the workload.

Today I'm calmly finishing projects, and planning on my week. I even have the energy to go home, and get some work done (in about an hour, after depositing my check and getting dinner) and hopefully plan my week.

I think the initial problem is twofold -
- the fact that she can't decide on and/or stick to a schedule.
- the heat in her office.

I'm FREEZING right now, and plugging along happily. SHE gets cold easily, so her office has the heat cranked. And it affects me, I fall asleep, I feel lethargic. I'm NOT a creature for the heat and humidity (you will NEVER see me in the South for any part of the summer, it's bad enough here. The ONLY exception is Atlanta for DragonCon, where I stay in the hotel with it's blissful A/C.) I feel like the White Witch from Narnia. I could happily ride around in a horse drawn sleigh, feeding Turkish Delight to naughty British boys.

On top of those two, there's my underlying feeling of "failure" that just leaks into my pores while I'm there. She's constantly telling me what I did wrong, telling me not to do it again. I don't remember the last time she praised me. I could live with that if I weren't constantly wrong.

So I'm an overheated failure, then she leaves. It's no wonder I broke down on Bret and thought the whole thing was hopeless. It's THAT office.

I hate to say it, I've already said it, but I HAVE TO put this where I can see it, next year. I CAN'T Work down there next tax season. It's not the commute. I didn't mind it when I liked the job. I hate it, because it takes me there.

I could easily work 30 hours a week up here, the rest of the year, and then give THIS CPA another 30 hours a week during the season. I'd make more money overall and be closer to my goals. I've known she was my problem, but I'm hesitant to break away.

Feh. I have to finish this project and get moving. My tummy is already rumbling. I don't think I've heard it rumble for quite a while, I'm just always hungry. Now I'm REALLY hungry. Plus I have to call Bret while I feel up to it, to talk about his return. Maybe if he's home he can read everything to me. Hmmmmm.