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Something that's bugging me
Dec. 4th, 2003 11:57 amI have No real problems with my lot in life (except for the money stress, but even if I made LOTS of money, the stress would still be there.) I'm actually pretty comfortable with my choices, and I have no problem expressing that.
My mother's having issues - she wants to buy a house. She's told me that her mother has talked her, several times, out of buying a house. Now, my answer to this is "your mother is a bitch." (No, my grandmother and I barely get along, why do you ask? *evil grin* I know _I_ remind her of HER mother, who raised me, and I know where her animosity is coming from, which amuses me and makes me instigate more problems. The day I realized I would never be good enough for my grandmother is the day she lost all power. After all, I'm the only successful child my great-grandmother raised *laughs*) If I had known what I know NOW, I could have told my mother some things, regarding houses and interest rates, that would have us in a house for 13 years, not this condo.
Anyway, since all of my family has big mouths, my grandmother knows about my mother's plan to see a house close by, a family who is friends with my aunt by marriage (important, since I have another aunt, who is blood. I'm not talking about her, her choices lately have been less than stellar - let's just say "Online dating" and leave it at that) She's called A LOT, and I'm sure she's trying to talk my mother out of even this idea. Perhaps it's because I will be going with her, and I'm aware that my evil sister could be coming as well. (she wouldn't let this opportunity pass) This from a woman who has her granddaughter, whichever boy she's living with now, AND her great-granddaughter living OFF of her.
So, anyway, this whole thing led to a discussion of "independent women" (which my mother claimed to be one. I fell over laughing. Someone in a co-dependent relationship can hardly be called independent) and how some women in our family, pretty much namely my sister, are attracted to the wrong kind of men - selfish, drunk, irritable - basically big children. My mother's boyfriend is reverting to this behavior, my sister's FABF I've ranted about, my uncle by marriage was like that, and from all accounts, my grandfather was too. Me - I'm single, and I like it.
I told my mother it's because my sister, for example, has only the model of my mother's bf, and a BIT of my father, to compare her men to, and she looks for the same kind of man. it's why it's important for, little girls especially, to have a strong father figure. I wasn't really raised by my mother's BF - I was raised by my great grandfather, a quiet, withdrawn man. I don't think he EVER said "I love you" But I KNEW he did. I've never doubted for one minute that he adored me, from the moment I was born, to the day he died. I can't settle for ANY less, than a man like this one. CB reminded me of him. unfortunately, my social skills are better suited to getting a man like my mother's BF, and therein lies the rub.
So, the whole point of THAT, is that when I told my mother this theory, she scoffed at me. I can't see how, I can point out how every woman in our family fits this model, by example. We don't have many men in our family, so I can't say if the reverse is true. My uncle DID marry a woman as bossy as his mother - we'll see if my nephew finds himself a useless twit like his mother. I think this is going to come up again with my mother, she doesn't like my vision of things. It really means I might find a way OUT of the cycle, even if it is being an old cat lady, who needs her nephew to bury her.
*shrug* it's just a thought.
My mother's having issues - she wants to buy a house. She's told me that her mother has talked her, several times, out of buying a house. Now, my answer to this is "your mother is a bitch." (No, my grandmother and I barely get along, why do you ask? *evil grin* I know _I_ remind her of HER mother, who raised me, and I know where her animosity is coming from, which amuses me and makes me instigate more problems. The day I realized I would never be good enough for my grandmother is the day she lost all power. After all, I'm the only successful child my great-grandmother raised *laughs*) If I had known what I know NOW, I could have told my mother some things, regarding houses and interest rates, that would have us in a house for 13 years, not this condo.
Anyway, since all of my family has big mouths, my grandmother knows about my mother's plan to see a house close by, a family who is friends with my aunt by marriage (important, since I have another aunt, who is blood. I'm not talking about her, her choices lately have been less than stellar - let's just say "Online dating" and leave it at that) She's called A LOT, and I'm sure she's trying to talk my mother out of even this idea. Perhaps it's because I will be going with her, and I'm aware that my evil sister could be coming as well. (she wouldn't let this opportunity pass) This from a woman who has her granddaughter, whichever boy she's living with now, AND her great-granddaughter living OFF of her.
So, anyway, this whole thing led to a discussion of "independent women" (which my mother claimed to be one. I fell over laughing. Someone in a co-dependent relationship can hardly be called independent) and how some women in our family, pretty much namely my sister, are attracted to the wrong kind of men - selfish, drunk, irritable - basically big children. My mother's boyfriend is reverting to this behavior, my sister's FABF I've ranted about, my uncle by marriage was like that, and from all accounts, my grandfather was too. Me - I'm single, and I like it.
I told my mother it's because my sister, for example, has only the model of my mother's bf, and a BIT of my father, to compare her men to, and she looks for the same kind of man. it's why it's important for, little girls especially, to have a strong father figure. I wasn't really raised by my mother's BF - I was raised by my great grandfather, a quiet, withdrawn man. I don't think he EVER said "I love you" But I KNEW he did. I've never doubted for one minute that he adored me, from the moment I was born, to the day he died. I can't settle for ANY less, than a man like this one. CB reminded me of him. unfortunately, my social skills are better suited to getting a man like my mother's BF, and therein lies the rub.
So, the whole point of THAT, is that when I told my mother this theory, she scoffed at me. I can't see how, I can point out how every woman in our family fits this model, by example. We don't have many men in our family, so I can't say if the reverse is true. My uncle DID marry a woman as bossy as his mother - we'll see if my nephew finds himself a useless twit like his mother. I think this is going to come up again with my mother, she doesn't like my vision of things. It really means I might find a way OUT of the cycle, even if it is being an old cat lady, who needs her nephew to bury her.
*shrug* it's just a thought.
