This must be quick

as I don't have a lot of time, but feel the update exploding out.

I've been working til 8:30-9:00PM for the past two nights. I dunno how much longer that will continue. Maybe if I could get up earlier, I wouldn't be working that late. Alternately, I could be getting up that early and STILL working late. As I get a lot of work done after 6, and I'm sorry, that's too good to pass up. Although I spent an hour listening to the boss and some of management being complete DORKS. They make fun of people, and they pick ONE thing and go with it. With me, it's my late approval. I told all of them I slept til 4PM yesterday then went into work (I spent the day at 2 other clients) They believed me *grumble*

As I sat there last night, I think about all my financial concerns and say to myself, Self, this wouldn't be so bad. Then the inner self SMACKS that thought, but the fact is, money worries me. I don't get to do what I want, I'm no closer to any of my plans as I was a year ago, and I feel, drowned, in responsibility. but I don't think the choice of dropping my freedom and becoming a good little wage slave is the answer. I like this company, but I don't like what it might make me. Either change me into some sort of stuck up corporate whore, or make me miserable for living my alternative lifestyle, in a non alternative world (I use the term "alternative" loosely, I'm certainly no poster child. but, neither am I "normal" per se.) Plus, this is in Waltham, and I can't fathom the commute *sighs*

*sigh* Giving up and taking this job feels like just that, giving up. I want to feel useful. but, after tax season I don't have any ability to get anything permanent, since I have to drop them at tax season. *sighs* Moments like this, it gets to me how I'm stuck by my responsibilities to others. I think I'm definitely at LEAST taking the Wednesday in October off after Haven, so I can drive out, enjoy myself, sleep late.

GAH - I'm getting depressed, I have to get moving. I wanted to get gas but I'm running late. and I need to put coolant in, AND the stupid cap is stuck. I'm going to ask my CPA who comes to the office today to help me with the cap before he leaves, I need to put the coolant in cold.

GAH! I say!
Ok, I'm off, I have to skip a shower, but I haven't even put my contacts in yet and I haven't updated my books either. *sighs*

I feel like

I'm about to make a VERY BIG MISTAKE.
One with financial and professional ramifications that might cost me more of my career time.
Except, I don't know in which direction the mistake lies.
The Lady, or the Tiger, and both doors look the same.

GAH!
I need a Tarot reading. I need it by a professional, and I need it SOON. Can anyone recommend a READER (and not a place, at this point I'll go anywhere for the correct person to read me, even *gag* Open Doors in Braintree (where I got the WORST READING EVER, I almost assaulted the woman.))?

*buries head in hands*