A few thoughts to ponder

- tonight I figured out why I freaked out two weekends ago - with the arrival of the (admittedly TMI) Red Plague. This doesn't happen all the time, every month I mean. I almost think I need another (private) journal to record certain things, like mood "foo" as it were, and corresponding dates. There's a pattern and I'm not seeing it.

- Perhaps my mood is directed by M. I can't believe he has nothing to do with it. I realized tonight that I haven't heard from him in almost a week. A week I feel like I got hordes of stuff done. It's not that I don't love him, I do. I just can't take CARE of him twentyfour, seven, and I truly feel like I do. I'm sorry, M, but you need to get a place, and get back to the self assured, relaxed person you were. I can't have you leaning on me, and I need my space. I realize that not being alone at ALL in the previous weekend contributed to my dismal, snappish mood.

- I think about London all the time now. I realized today (today was a great day of realizations) that I have about a month and a half, and I don't know if I'm going to be able to do everything I have to. I may push my Thursday client back a couple of more hours, so I can run into town and get my birth certificate (again) and get the damn passport, I can't keep looking for it. All I want is to have the money to put back on my credit card, and buy the ticket, no hemming and hawing this time. I need the birth certificate (Thursday), two pictures (this weekend) and the application (Monday, to the post office).

- In the thinking about London, I'm skipping some things in favor of others. This means I'm not going to Griffin Grove. I need to start making the transfer, I've already told kazama and am emailing the prospectives. I'm sorry, it's not worth the money, which I could use in London, to spend the weekend miserable, and OH YES, I would be miserable. I can't FATHOM being able to socialize. All I wanted to do was sit in the room and watch TV, and do nothing. Maybe if CB can go in the spring, I'll let him talk me into camping. IF there is snuggling and warming activities involved. *evil grin*

- And in the "other things" category, I've decided on a field trip, to see the Cruxshadows and staralfurinn and evoldollboy. I'm starting to boing about this. I'm probably going to go alone. Bad things tho - it's the same weekend as Da'Hood party. *sigh* Oh and I JUST found out (AFTER emailing the bride *evil grin*) that the bachelorette party of doom is the same weekend. Now, I knew what weekend her party was, D told me a couple of weeks ago, but the bride's cousin" forgot" to call me *snicker* I don't care WHO forgot, I actually was relieved. So when I emailed the bride back, regarding the head count and my bringing Bret to the wedding, I mentioned "Gee if you need any help, my schedule is flexible, don't hesitate to ask. The only weekend I can't is the 12th." Well I get back a "MY Bachelorette party is the 12th. It's at blah blah, so show up at Blah blah." My reply - Gee , I'm going to see a band, sorry, oh here's the band. have fun anyway. And THEN I get the invite. Stupid bitches, like I didn't see through that one. Yeah, like I WANT to go out and about to gawd only knows HOW many shitty bars with a bunch of drunken NORMALS. Please. I can't stand her friends. Worse than I am by TEN in the selfish and bitchy category. Not one of them has ever tried to be polite, although I haven't' done anything about fitting in. I don't show up wearing my club gear, I think that's bending enough. These are the same people who used me as "entertainment" a couple of years ago. "So tell us about all the NAKED WIMMINS at your club!!!" Um, it's not a STRIP bar, and they wouldn't like you. *sigh*

- Now I know I shouldn't be spending the money on the Cruxshadows next week, and in NYC. But I want to see my girlie and her birdies. I want to have more time than dinner, I want to see her happy, and loved, and I want to see her cringe when I drag her to see my hubby. *snicker* And perhaps I'll get a Constantine fix at the club, we'll see. It' won't be too bad moneywise, certainly not like the GG trip. $20 in gas down, $20 gas back, maybe $10 in tolls, $10 to get in, and some pizza. I'm owed a dinner *evil grin* and if there's affording it all around I'll let it happen. Maybe I'll get some homemade veggie sushi! *giggle* (Me no likey tofu. NO tofu *grin* And maybe I'll have to sneak a pepperoni pizza. Oh, and a glance and a snack at Yaffa? I'm still single, I need a hottie cutie honey fix, if I can see anywhere past my husband's big hair.)

- There will be much picture taking this weekend, I promise you. I'm thinking about putting a couple of odds and ends up to Ebay tonight, and putting up another batch next Tuesday, after the netGothicans have a glance.

- *sigh* So much to do, I feel like I never go out. I want to see CB, and I'm hoping he did his stupid test so MAYBE he can take a night and take me to dinner, or for a wallk on the beach.

-Something else I thought of today. I want GradSchool. With my schedule as is, I could go pretty close to full time. Now the program I'm looking at is part time. but I could take three or four classes instead of just two. It'll be expensive, but I think I need it. I'm attracted by the classes, and I think it would be SO helpful to my career. I can get my MST, take the exam again, pass this time. Jeez, think of me, CPA, MST. I'd have titles, that's what I could call myself. I mean, I COULD say BSBA, but really what good would that do? I did myself a disservice not going right into grad school. I was so lost after graduating. I was so oriented on finishing, and it was so HARD at times, thanks to personal upheaval. Then I did, and "what do I do now???" I NEVER should have listened to the nay-sayers "Why don't you get a REAL job, with benefits?" fact is, I was miserable, and postponed what I SHOULD have been doing (what I'm doing now) for about 2 1/2 years, thanks to the ramifications of quitting that job, and then *shudder* the Jon-Evil-roommate incident. I need to talk to my mother, because this is going to put off my ability to live on my own for another two years, while I concentrate on school. But, I might, just might, come out of it with the ability to support HER. I can command a HUGE salary, even if I'm totally incompetent, with the letters after my name. And there's always work (oops, didn't mean to rub that in *pouts*) Everytime I get something done, I think "wow, I actually know what I'm doing" and then I get hit with something that failed and I think "jeez, I suck" I think my problem is the separation of personal and professional. I shouldn't be the financial advisor to my friends, in any capacity. *sigh* I guess I'll have to process that one. I can't fathom why I work so well when I'm being "professional" and I can't seem to bring it home. Once I get in to the car, it's "playtime" Maybe I need an office. *thinks* *grins* You know, I know a couple of people, maybe if we all SHARED an office, and a secretary......

Ok, long now. Need to pee, and go watch taped Buffy. I had coffee. It was nummy, and it settled my nerves (yes, settled, I'm an addict, like CB. His poison - Mountain Dew *shudder*) But I DO want to pop some stuff to Ebay. OK, I'll think while peeing. *grin*

Oh, and I need to taunt CB via email. Se if I don't get into his pants, eventually. I'll settle for getting under his coat for now.

*drools*

Bachelor of Business Administration
with concentrations in Accounting and MIS
Master of Science in Taxation
Certifed Public Accountant.

I am geekier than thou. Hear me roar.

This could be all mine, in two measly years.
I almost think this could score me a CB. If I'm needing to study and concentrate, perhaps he'll see me as a serious gf, and not the hot, playa female with the stable of bitches *LOL*

I just feel like, mostly the CPA, makes me a "grownup" and I can't do things like take off for NYC to drool on a boy with big hair. Or jaunt to London, just cause. (OK maybe I could AFFORD it better.)

I think I want it.

(PS - I can't get an MBA, that's mostly for non-business majors. They have the same curriculum as my undergrad courses. The MST is far more concentrated, and applicable to my field. Just in case you were going to ask *grin*)