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Sometimes I just need you to hold me....
May. 7th, 2001 01:59 amI'm not sure I can even describe last night, but I'll try
*WARNING*
You are about to be deludged with sappy commentary about Rogue and other non-threatening boys. You have been warned......
Ok so Let's start Saturday morning. Wake up later than I wanted to, about 9:30, mostly thanks to being up til 4:30 AM. Finish packing up, finally fix the protectors on my plates, and get over to breakfast. Have a nice breakfast, but we don't really get moving til about noon. This had us in the city about 4. We were checked in and settled by then. Pretty good time made, even due to traffic in the city, but we didn't get lost at all. Which was nice for a change.
Trouble came from an odd source, D herself. Starting when she insisted in "changing for dinner" she changed into the outfit she was wearing to the club, to simply be enhanced later. Ok, but I don't know where we're going for dinner, and then the before club party he's gotten us invited to *whoo hoo*, so maybe you should just stay in that traveling outfit, and the comfy shoes. *blink blink* No I'll change and wear the brand new 3 inch heels. *sigh* So I changed into my club outfit sans makeup. We leave the lovebirds (Chris and his gf, who were let loose on their own) and head out, I gave them a curfew. THEY game me no trouble. OK we get where we are supposed to, and I call him to meet us. *sigh* Cute as ever, in Blue jeans??? That's what he'd worn to work, and that was OK. We head to his place, and he has a NICE apartment. Ok not his, he rents form a friend, and it's small. I couldn't live there with another, let alone the FIVE he'll have soon. Ok so, let's head out to dinner. It was about 8 or 10 blocks to the Cuban place. A cute little diner style, smelling like spices. We sat at the counter, where I got to flirt with the little hippy counter worker. Man was he a cutie, and he wasn't Goff at all *Evil grin* Constantine suggested a few items, and I've come to believe everything is better with cheese. Even corn on the cob! Had some kind of enchilada, with a sauce with chocolate in it, and these cheese corn cobs. I'll have to get a recipe for how to fix them for the Porn-b-que. Maybe I can persuade Bunni/Dancer to try it out first, or maybe La and Jeff would be game. It was totally delish, but I think it's love or hate.
The problem - my sulky little friend. The walk was too long, she hates diners SHE wasn't consulted etc etc etc. I could see she was all pissy and kept trying to include her but you know once the poor boy noticed she was all ice cold, it went downhill for including her in anything. Plus the walk. THEN talk about the party, it's a get together for a friend's sister and it was, well, Republican. D almost had a fit, that she was dressed like a freak, she was not going to this, and I didn't even have to ask. But it was like she was mad or something. At me, at him. She got it all out after we'd left him, because he still had to go to the party. We all walked towards St Mark's for me to run into Funhouse and see if I could find Ed. It seems that I have other communication problems, and I'm still of the opinion that it is NOT me. Why am I always the bitch for bringing it out into the open? Yet the person who starts the whole lack of communication thing comes out without even a scratch. Believe me having me resentful, and pissy is NOT a good idea. *grrrrr*
*shake*
Ok, Ed is not at Funhouse anymore, he's at Freaks, try him tomorrow. OK. Back to the hotel. Make up time and get the kiddies. I'm ready to go, noone else is, but I finally get them moving. We grabbed a cab (don't ask me how that happened, we were all freaks) and get to the Batcave, which was odd since I'd been there before and found it distasteful. Constantine shows up about 5 minutes later, thankfully, because D is still resentful. We all get in and take a quick tour. The place is definitely redone. Nice big room upstairs instead of little rooms. Much better dance atmosphere. So I decide to hole up on the bottom floor, where my little husband would be.
Picture this, the lowest level is a dance floor/stage area. There is a narrow staircase to a balcony area. This is when I started drinking, pretty fast. We got to the bar about 10ish, I had 3 toasted almonds by 11. I was nicely done. Good thing too, because the rude crowd elements were around me, tall guys who insisted on standing directly in front of me, etc. Worth every moment. Rogue started on the balcony and came down the stairs. I was totally involved, I didn't notice an hour and a half go by during the set! They were incredible! More so than any other time I'd seen them. They really feed off the crowd. Everyone. I'm tired about hearing about Rogue's dramatics, I just read an e-mail from my U235 list than did nothing but mock him. Yes he's silly and Goth but DAMMIT, that's what he's supposed to be! and his music touches me.
*Begin brush with greatness*
Now remember I'm standing by the bar.
And remember Rogue's climbing style.
He hops up on the bar, and stands DIRECTLY OVER me.
For a least 2 minutes.
He sweat on me *silly grin* I took some pictures from that angle, I hope they all come out. I was SOOOO excited I almost melted in to a puddle right there! There was no choice between Rogue and C, there just wasn't! He stood there and sang "Love/Tragedy" (the song you like,Rydia) and I was just melting into the floor. I've never felt like that. He hopped down between Laura and Chris, right next to me. *sigh*
He did his wander/climbing thing that almost gave me a heart attack (He climbed all over the 8 foot tall balcony).
He climbed back onto the bar before "Heaven's Gaze" to sing/recite the preface. Heaven's Gaze is my favorite song right now. And as he's singing, he looks down and met my eyes, and I almost went up in smoke! He looked directly at me, sang directly TO me for about 3 seconds, and all I heard was the pounding of the blood in my ears. D said I got this big silly grin, and the emotion coming from me doubled as I looked up right into his face. He is just, *sigh*, *drool* *swoon*.....
So I survived the concert, which was energy filled, even D said that it had been AWESOME and completely fixed her mood. (not for long) They are well loved, and love the NYC crowd right back, we are going to have to DO something about this. Once the time comes I'll start drumming up a great crowd for their show this time.
So Constantine is there for this whole thing, and was blown away too. The lovebirds decide to leave, and the remaining three go upstairs to dance. Now NYC is a buffet of naughty little boys, candy to a grrl like me. And there was one who stood out. Yummy pretty, but in Crow makeup. I love that but huh? Anyway I keep eyeing him and shooting him grins, when not obsessed with Rogue. He appears upstairs and I continue to grin at him. D has been dancing and he's dancing near her. She suddenly storms off and he disappears (remember this) She's tired of dancing. Two minutes later she's all upset and wants her boots OFF. Ok switch places so I can protect her from the crowd, take the boots off. Translation: I want to leave and YOU Tia are too stupid to notice. I don't WANT to leave, we'd told the lovebirds we'd give them til 2:30 and it was about 1:30 (only an hour, think I, and I was Having Fun FOR ONCE!) She wants to go and makes me miserable in the process (See the whole lack of communication dynamic and how I am STILL not at fault. Sheesh, if you tell me nothings wrong I'll take you at face value, and then if you hit me with it later, I'm going to smack you, dammit) OK fine, you want to go to the bathroom. Ok fine the bathroom line is too long. Ok fine you want to leave to which all I sad was OK let's go. WHY ARE YOU STILL MAD AT ME AT THIS POINT?!?!? It's not my fault the bathroom line was too long, it's not my fault that the stupid people came onto the floor and pushed you around where we were standing despite my best efforts. It's not my fault that the Crow boy apparently copped a feel while dancing (I didn't see it, belive me he'd have been a corpse. And my gut says he didn't do it, at least not on purpose.)
Fine we want to leave, I'm finding C first. Wow, there his is he must be a mind reader. He's about to call it a night too. OK we all walk out, her lighting up the hallway she's walking so fast. We walk by the people at the entrance and they are talking about ManRay! I want to stay and talk (which Constantine does) but NO I have to follow miss pissy outside. OK fine, I'm over it. I don't want to leave without him. We get to watch some goths try to wake up their drunken friend who is obviously alcohol poisoned. C comes out finally and there is a bit of a discussion where to head, for a cab, to which D just snarls "LET'S JUST GO." That put me in a mood, because Now Constantine thinks it's him. And in a way it is.
I think this part is what bothers me the most. I'm walking down the street, telling Constantine that we'll be fine once we get a cab, and a girl coming my way towards the club suddenly squeals and runs up and embraces me. It's Aimee! Recently from SanFran from Iceland, from Here! I had emailed her about visiting and never heard from her. She was coming to the BatCave to find me. her computer was down and she couldn't e-mail me back, she was SOOOO happy to see me. And I was leaving, she was very upset. I got her number and hurried on my way thinking "You know what, I'm dropping bitchqueen off and coming back." I didn't have a proper goodbye with C, and she was nasty to him. Get in the cab, and she's still all upset, and I don't know why because I'M the one who just left everything behind. I look back to see C waving, and flagging down his own cab. *sigh*
By the time we get back to the hotel, she's super pissy and I'm too tired to go back. Fortunately the lovebirds aren't playing and they notice D's mood, which I explain while shes in the bathroom. I'm still bouncy, I just don't have enough to go back to the club. We all go for a walk without D. I'm sure she was very upset, but I needed to walk off the pissy. I'm still a little resentful.
Get woken up a little earlier than I'd like this morning, I was so tired but kept thinking about Rogue, and imprinting it in my mind how he'd looked at me *sappy grin* Went out to get bagels and coffee, so miss pIssy awould have a good day, and she did. We made it out to the Village, and found Ed at work and I now have all his new info. He's moving to Tampa with his gf at the end of August so I need to visit and stuff or else take a FL roadtrip *evil grin* He's happier and healthier than I've seen him in a long time. We stop for pizza, which made D very happy as she loves NY style pizza and we never had it there. Went back, collected the car and drove home.
I came to the decision that I need to go back alone. I didn't think I'd want to but Dammit I hate catering to others. I can't tell you how many times I've put up with crap because someone was having a good time, or taken her out when I was exhausted, and just wanted to sleep! I can't bear taking her back anytime soon. I'm sorry I LIKED the diner, I LIKED the walking, I LIKED finding Ed and I LIKED the Batcave! I wanted to dance all night. I think in a couple of weeks I'll go back on a Saturday night. I can pay off the credit card for this by then, and have spending money too. I want to visit with Ed, and have more corn with Constantine. I need to talk to him, I want to make my feelings clear and get things into the open. I don't even want to say anything more. We talked about Liz (nothing bad dear, I told him about our LJ discussion, and he laughed), and about LJ and I think he may start looking into it. He asked me about any rumors concerning him, and I think he was only half kidding. I saw a bit of vulnerability, and I perhaps saw a bit of the real him, and I liked it. I want to be honest with him, hit him with a clue by four, so that THIS friendship isn't destroyed by lack of communication. It helps that I think he can stand up to me. I'll be honest and clear, hear his side, and we'll go from there. It really is that simple. I did make a little pass which was deflected, so I think I'll be clear next time. If he's not even remotely interested, fine. I'd still like him to show me around the city, he's so much fun, full of life that I'm missing from my life right now. I couldn't do it with D being so pissy . She's not like this, I wonder what's going on that she didn't tell me. I know she's disappointed with the weekend but I loved it.
I fell in love with the city this weekend, and I didn't expect to. I want to go for a couple of days, staying on a couch somewhere. I want to explore the museums on MY timetable. I want to have dinner alone and not feel weird, I want to explore St Marks completely. I don't want to live there, but I think I want to explore it this summer.
Ed said he'd take me to the LimeLight, and Constantine loved the BatCave, and I know Aimee will be up for anything. Between the 3 of them I can have a start.
I am so tired right now, but I wanted to get it all down. I don't want to forget the show, I don't think it'll ever happen like that again. Sorry for the length, but it feels like forever since I left, and all this went on. *sigh*
Oh, and if you're reading this Constantine, talk to me before freaking. Simply a disclaimer.
Things to do this week:
Hang with Kat At Ceremony, hopefully after as well especially Saturday night.
Mexican food and cuties with Tink andAmy and whoemever else *drool*
Anime with Kazama, and the Let's Stay at Home crew, Spaceketeers at Kazama's Place people!!!!!
YOU promised me Tea, dammit!
Oh and I'm sure I'll hear more about my bad attitude, and/or my crushes and stuff. But Right now I can only hear and see Rogue. And he's safe. he has a lovely girlfriend and I get tongue tied to speak to him. So I'll just carry the image of his eyes looking right at me tonight to bed.
*hugs* n stuff....
*WARNING*
You are about to be deludged with sappy commentary about Rogue and other non-threatening boys. You have been warned......
Ok so Let's start Saturday morning. Wake up later than I wanted to, about 9:30, mostly thanks to being up til 4:30 AM. Finish packing up, finally fix the protectors on my plates, and get over to breakfast. Have a nice breakfast, but we don't really get moving til about noon. This had us in the city about 4. We were checked in and settled by then. Pretty good time made, even due to traffic in the city, but we didn't get lost at all. Which was nice for a change.
Trouble came from an odd source, D herself. Starting when she insisted in "changing for dinner" she changed into the outfit she was wearing to the club, to simply be enhanced later. Ok, but I don't know where we're going for dinner, and then the before club party he's gotten us invited to *whoo hoo*, so maybe you should just stay in that traveling outfit, and the comfy shoes. *blink blink* No I'll change and wear the brand new 3 inch heels. *sigh* So I changed into my club outfit sans makeup. We leave the lovebirds (Chris and his gf, who were let loose on their own) and head out, I gave them a curfew. THEY game me no trouble. OK we get where we are supposed to, and I call him to meet us. *sigh* Cute as ever, in Blue jeans??? That's what he'd worn to work, and that was OK. We head to his place, and he has a NICE apartment. Ok not his, he rents form a friend, and it's small. I couldn't live there with another, let alone the FIVE he'll have soon. Ok so, let's head out to dinner. It was about 8 or 10 blocks to the Cuban place. A cute little diner style, smelling like spices. We sat at the counter, where I got to flirt with the little hippy counter worker. Man was he a cutie, and he wasn't Goff at all *Evil grin* Constantine suggested a few items, and I've come to believe everything is better with cheese. Even corn on the cob! Had some kind of enchilada, with a sauce with chocolate in it, and these cheese corn cobs. I'll have to get a recipe for how to fix them for the Porn-b-que. Maybe I can persuade Bunni/Dancer to try it out first, or maybe La and Jeff would be game. It was totally delish, but I think it's love or hate.
The problem - my sulky little friend. The walk was too long, she hates diners SHE wasn't consulted etc etc etc. I could see she was all pissy and kept trying to include her but you know once the poor boy noticed she was all ice cold, it went downhill for including her in anything. Plus the walk. THEN talk about the party, it's a get together for a friend's sister and it was, well, Republican. D almost had a fit, that she was dressed like a freak, she was not going to this, and I didn't even have to ask. But it was like she was mad or something. At me, at him. She got it all out after we'd left him, because he still had to go to the party. We all walked towards St Mark's for me to run into Funhouse and see if I could find Ed. It seems that I have other communication problems, and I'm still of the opinion that it is NOT me. Why am I always the bitch for bringing it out into the open? Yet the person who starts the whole lack of communication thing comes out without even a scratch. Believe me having me resentful, and pissy is NOT a good idea. *grrrrr*
*shake*
Ok, Ed is not at Funhouse anymore, he's at Freaks, try him tomorrow. OK. Back to the hotel. Make up time and get the kiddies. I'm ready to go, noone else is, but I finally get them moving. We grabbed a cab (don't ask me how that happened, we were all freaks) and get to the Batcave, which was odd since I'd been there before and found it distasteful. Constantine shows up about 5 minutes later, thankfully, because D is still resentful. We all get in and take a quick tour. The place is definitely redone. Nice big room upstairs instead of little rooms. Much better dance atmosphere. So I decide to hole up on the bottom floor, where my little husband would be.
Picture this, the lowest level is a dance floor/stage area. There is a narrow staircase to a balcony area. This is when I started drinking, pretty fast. We got to the bar about 10ish, I had 3 toasted almonds by 11. I was nicely done. Good thing too, because the rude crowd elements were around me, tall guys who insisted on standing directly in front of me, etc. Worth every moment. Rogue started on the balcony and came down the stairs. I was totally involved, I didn't notice an hour and a half go by during the set! They were incredible! More so than any other time I'd seen them. They really feed off the crowd. Everyone. I'm tired about hearing about Rogue's dramatics, I just read an e-mail from my U235 list than did nothing but mock him. Yes he's silly and Goth but DAMMIT, that's what he's supposed to be! and his music touches me.
*Begin brush with greatness*
Now remember I'm standing by the bar.
And remember Rogue's climbing style.
He hops up on the bar, and stands DIRECTLY OVER me.
For a least 2 minutes.
He sweat on me *silly grin* I took some pictures from that angle, I hope they all come out. I was SOOOO excited I almost melted in to a puddle right there! There was no choice between Rogue and C, there just wasn't! He stood there and sang "Love/Tragedy" (the song you like,Rydia) and I was just melting into the floor. I've never felt like that. He hopped down between Laura and Chris, right next to me. *sigh*
He did his wander/climbing thing that almost gave me a heart attack (He climbed all over the 8 foot tall balcony).
He climbed back onto the bar before "Heaven's Gaze" to sing/recite the preface. Heaven's Gaze is my favorite song right now. And as he's singing, he looks down and met my eyes, and I almost went up in smoke! He looked directly at me, sang directly TO me for about 3 seconds, and all I heard was the pounding of the blood in my ears. D said I got this big silly grin, and the emotion coming from me doubled as I looked up right into his face. He is just, *sigh*, *drool* *swoon*.....
So I survived the concert, which was energy filled, even D said that it had been AWESOME and completely fixed her mood. (not for long) They are well loved, and love the NYC crowd right back, we are going to have to DO something about this. Once the time comes I'll start drumming up a great crowd for their show this time.
So Constantine is there for this whole thing, and was blown away too. The lovebirds decide to leave, and the remaining three go upstairs to dance. Now NYC is a buffet of naughty little boys, candy to a grrl like me. And there was one who stood out. Yummy pretty, but in Crow makeup. I love that but huh? Anyway I keep eyeing him and shooting him grins, when not obsessed with Rogue. He appears upstairs and I continue to grin at him. D has been dancing and he's dancing near her. She suddenly storms off and he disappears (remember this) She's tired of dancing. Two minutes later she's all upset and wants her boots OFF. Ok switch places so I can protect her from the crowd, take the boots off. Translation: I want to leave and YOU Tia are too stupid to notice. I don't WANT to leave, we'd told the lovebirds we'd give them til 2:30 and it was about 1:30 (only an hour, think I, and I was Having Fun FOR ONCE!) She wants to go and makes me miserable in the process (See the whole lack of communication dynamic and how I am STILL not at fault. Sheesh, if you tell me nothings wrong I'll take you at face value, and then if you hit me with it later, I'm going to smack you, dammit) OK fine, you want to go to the bathroom. Ok fine the bathroom line is too long. Ok fine you want to leave to which all I sad was OK let's go. WHY ARE YOU STILL MAD AT ME AT THIS POINT?!?!? It's not my fault the bathroom line was too long, it's not my fault that the stupid people came onto the floor and pushed you around where we were standing despite my best efforts. It's not my fault that the Crow boy apparently copped a feel while dancing (I didn't see it, belive me he'd have been a corpse. And my gut says he didn't do it, at least not on purpose.)
Fine we want to leave, I'm finding C first. Wow, there his is he must be a mind reader. He's about to call it a night too. OK we all walk out, her lighting up the hallway she's walking so fast. We walk by the people at the entrance and they are talking about ManRay! I want to stay and talk (which Constantine does) but NO I have to follow miss pissy outside. OK fine, I'm over it. I don't want to leave without him. We get to watch some goths try to wake up their drunken friend who is obviously alcohol poisoned. C comes out finally and there is a bit of a discussion where to head, for a cab, to which D just snarls "LET'S JUST GO." That put me in a mood, because Now Constantine thinks it's him. And in a way it is.
I think this part is what bothers me the most. I'm walking down the street, telling Constantine that we'll be fine once we get a cab, and a girl coming my way towards the club suddenly squeals and runs up and embraces me. It's Aimee! Recently from SanFran from Iceland, from Here! I had emailed her about visiting and never heard from her. She was coming to the BatCave to find me. her computer was down and she couldn't e-mail me back, she was SOOOO happy to see me. And I was leaving, she was very upset. I got her number and hurried on my way thinking "You know what, I'm dropping bitchqueen off and coming back." I didn't have a proper goodbye with C, and she was nasty to him. Get in the cab, and she's still all upset, and I don't know why because I'M the one who just left everything behind. I look back to see C waving, and flagging down his own cab. *sigh*
By the time we get back to the hotel, she's super pissy and I'm too tired to go back. Fortunately the lovebirds aren't playing and they notice D's mood, which I explain while shes in the bathroom. I'm still bouncy, I just don't have enough to go back to the club. We all go for a walk without D. I'm sure she was very upset, but I needed to walk off the pissy. I'm still a little resentful.
Get woken up a little earlier than I'd like this morning, I was so tired but kept thinking about Rogue, and imprinting it in my mind how he'd looked at me *sappy grin* Went out to get bagels and coffee, so miss pIssy awould have a good day, and she did. We made it out to the Village, and found Ed at work and I now have all his new info. He's moving to Tampa with his gf at the end of August so I need to visit and stuff or else take a FL roadtrip *evil grin* He's happier and healthier than I've seen him in a long time. We stop for pizza, which made D very happy as she loves NY style pizza and we never had it there. Went back, collected the car and drove home.
I came to the decision that I need to go back alone. I didn't think I'd want to but Dammit I hate catering to others. I can't tell you how many times I've put up with crap because someone was having a good time, or taken her out when I was exhausted, and just wanted to sleep! I can't bear taking her back anytime soon. I'm sorry I LIKED the diner, I LIKED the walking, I LIKED finding Ed and I LIKED the Batcave! I wanted to dance all night. I think in a couple of weeks I'll go back on a Saturday night. I can pay off the credit card for this by then, and have spending money too. I want to visit with Ed, and have more corn with Constantine. I need to talk to him, I want to make my feelings clear and get things into the open. I don't even want to say anything more. We talked about Liz (nothing bad dear, I told him about our LJ discussion, and he laughed), and about LJ and I think he may start looking into it. He asked me about any rumors concerning him, and I think he was only half kidding. I saw a bit of vulnerability, and I perhaps saw a bit of the real him, and I liked it. I want to be honest with him, hit him with a clue by four, so that THIS friendship isn't destroyed by lack of communication. It helps that I think he can stand up to me. I'll be honest and clear, hear his side, and we'll go from there. It really is that simple. I did make a little pass which was deflected, so I think I'll be clear next time. If he's not even remotely interested, fine. I'd still like him to show me around the city, he's so much fun, full of life that I'm missing from my life right now. I couldn't do it with D being so pissy . She's not like this, I wonder what's going on that she didn't tell me. I know she's disappointed with the weekend but I loved it.
I fell in love with the city this weekend, and I didn't expect to. I want to go for a couple of days, staying on a couch somewhere. I want to explore the museums on MY timetable. I want to have dinner alone and not feel weird, I want to explore St Marks completely. I don't want to live there, but I think I want to explore it this summer.
Ed said he'd take me to the LimeLight, and Constantine loved the BatCave, and I know Aimee will be up for anything. Between the 3 of them I can have a start.
I am so tired right now, but I wanted to get it all down. I don't want to forget the show, I don't think it'll ever happen like that again. Sorry for the length, but it feels like forever since I left, and all this went on. *sigh*
Oh, and if you're reading this Constantine, talk to me before freaking. Simply a disclaimer.
Things to do this week:
Hang with Kat At Ceremony, hopefully after as well especially Saturday night.
Mexican food and cuties with Tink andAmy and whoemever else *drool*
Anime with Kazama, and the Let's Stay at Home crew, Spaceketeers at Kazama's Place people!!!!!
YOU promised me Tea, dammit!
Oh and I'm sure I'll hear more about my bad attitude, and/or my crushes and stuff. But Right now I can only hear and see Rogue. And he's safe. he has a lovely girlfriend and I get tongue tied to speak to him. So I'll just carry the image of his eyes looking right at me tonight to bed.
*hugs* n stuff....
